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Why can’t senior men be just friends without wanting senior sex?

September 20, 2019

Champ Althea emailed, “Why can’t senior men be just friends without wanting senior sex with a lady? I’m having a problem with that. It has happened to me more than three times recently at age 70.

“It also happened when I first started dating in my 50s. I was divorced at 51.

“I meet a man and he’s nice, we get along, share humor and activities we like. But I’m not romantically or sexually attracted to him, but I like his company and would like to be friends and do things together.

Woman’s reason for not having sex too soon. Due to neck surgery, sex had to wait. In 3 months, his behavior changed.

December 22, 2016

Karen suggests a reason for not having sex too soon with a man.


She shared her story, "I met a great guy on He is 58; I will be 55. He said he chose me because my profile was different from most women's. 
"I'm a woman who doesn't put out because a guy buys me dinner, which has cost me a lot of 2nd and 3rd dates. I explained this to my great guy and he was fine with it." 
Karen said she had major neck surgery in April, and couldn't have had sex even if her body, heart and mind had wanted too. She gave him a way out before the surgery, telling him she would understand if he left. But he has been by her side through her ordeal. "What a mensch you might say, right?" Karen said.

Dating around but not sleeping around. Sex with multiple people at the same time is unacceptable.

December 01, 2016

Last week, we mentioned Joe's dilemma. He's new to dating and wants to date around: "I put my profile on e-harmony and within days had over 100 matches within a 30-mile radius. I filtered the matches down to 10 that I contacted. Some friends tell me this is unethical, that I should only contact one person and make my decision before contacting another."


Being an honest guy, he told the first lady he dated he'd likely be meeting other women. Joe said, "She told me 'Goodbye - and don't come back until you are finished looking and want me.' I felt like I had done something wrong. Are there rules I should know about?" Joe asked.


Seven of you gave your opinions

Loneliness clouds judgment when having sex too soon. Senior woman needs to see red flags fly.

December 01, 2016

A 58-year-old woman is involved in a puzzling relationship. She's confused and doesn't know how to handle the situation. "Any words of advice you can give me would surely be appreciated. I'm sure the advice will be helpful and probably what I already know in my heart and mind to be," she wrote.
She explained, "In April, I started seeing a 63-year-old widower I met through an online dating site. Our relationship became physical almost instantly."
There's the first red flag. They became physical too soon. How can one build a loving relationship with another if one hops in the sack with that person before getting to know him or her? 

Small town dysfunctional relationship. Five-time divorcee wants marriage. Recent widower wants sex.

December 01, 2016

I receive about 30 emails a day pertaining to senior romance. One recent flurry of emails from a divorcee left my head spinning. Is this a case of senior sex too soon or of a small town dysfunctional relationship? Likely both.
Bonnie, 53, married five times, wrote that five weeks ago she met a 58-year-old widower of seven months on and had dated him "full-time" since then. They live in the same small town. He had been married 38 years; she was the first woman he had dated-other than his deceased wife-in 39 years. 
When they met, the widower told her he was seeking a lover and a woman to move in with him, with the emphasis on love, as in senior sex partner.

Senior internet dating can lead to risky sexual behavior such as unprotected sex. Sexual safety for women is critical when having internet senior sex.

October 16, 2016

Women who use the Internet to meet potential mates realize every person they meet online is a stranger. They are aware that among these strangers are scammers, fakes and bad guys with evil intentions. 


Nearly every online dating site warns singles to be careful when interacting with strangers. Most women heed the advice and proceed cautiously. But, once they meet face-to-face with the strangers, too many women toss caution to the wind and put themselves at risk by engaging in risky sex.  

Avoiding STDs and Aids in senior sex is vital

October 16, 2016

Last week we wrote about Brenda, a 69-year-old nurse, who had had five dates with a guy living 100 miles away—a long distance relationship. And while they had not been physical, she felt they had a strong emotional connection. A sixth date had been scheduled, but did not happen because he told her he'd spent the night with another woman.


In effect, he broke their date for another woman. Yes, he was honest in telling her, but that was very uncool.


She decided not to see him again, saying, "Being a nurse, and knowing of the increase of STDs in the over-60 age group, I am adamant on testing. What I now know of his promiscuity, I don't want anything to do with him. It's not worth my health and safety."

Senior Sex Buddies – Friends with benefits

September 18, 2016

A 51-year-old woman described her one-year plus relationship with a 52-year-old man:

  • We clicked from the time we met

  • The chemistry is there

  • We have a lot in common

  • He's an easy-going guy

  • We have fun together and get along well

  • We enjoy each other's company

  • We see each other almost every weekend

  • We talk on the phone 3-4 times a week

Senior friends have dated for six months. They feel no senior sex until marriage. But the man wants to date other women. He feels something is missing. Senior sex before marriage may be what is missing here.

September 18, 2016

A woman asked, “How does one address the issue of friendship changing to attraction when the man seems to be unaware that there may be a change?”

She requested to remain anonymous because she doesn’t want to jeopardize any chance that her friendship with him might develop into something more. Hence, we shall call her Gail and him Charles.

Rushing Intimacy

September 18, 2016

Most women have had to deal with meeting a man they like and immediately he wants to hop in the sack, as was the case with our subscriber, Carol— not her real name. How long should seniors wait for sex?

Carol wrote to me in April: “My childhood friend introduced me to her cousin, who was widowed unexpectedly in December after a 14-year marriage. I’ve been divorced for 8-plus years. We’ve been on several dates and spent several evenings together. This widower wants sex.

Senior Sex before marriage

September 17, 2016

Recipients of this newsletter have strong opinions and aren’t afraid to share them when they feel strongly about a topic. Last week’s column about Gail—who had been in a platonic, friendship-only, relationship with Charles for three months—triggered an avalanche of responses.

Gail and Charles had attended functions together and share many interests—church, dancing, dining, concerts, opera, camping and fishing. They had agreed that being intimate had to wait until after marriage.

Senior Passion Fading? Has this become a senior platonic relationship?

September 17, 2016

A 65-year-old widower from California is concerned that his romance of two years is fading away. He asked that I not use his real name; we’ll call him Bob.

Bob said, “About five months after my wife’s passing, I asked Carole, a long-time family friend and great friend of my wife’s out to lunch. That evolved into a relationship,” Bob said.

Widower Asks: How critical Is Chemistry In Senior Sex?

August 26, 2016

A widower new to our group needs senior sex and intimacy advice. He wrote, "My question has to do with female chemistry. My wife passed away suddenly two years ago. I was married for 50 years to the love of my life. I am 72.

"I met a lovely lady on and have been seeing her for four months. We both work so it is usually on the weekends when we get together. She was widowed six years ago after a 37-year marriage to the love of her life. She is 65.

Single Senior Women: Avoid Dating Jerks

August 04, 2016

This is a plea to single senior women: Avoid getting involved with cheaters womanizers and jerks.

Recently, I received two emails from single senior women who got involved with jerks and womanizers. They agreed to share their stories but wanted only their first names used.

Jennifer described dating a neighbor. "He came on strong, spent lots of time with me. When I stayed at his house the first time, we were awoken by a 5:30 a.m. call from a woman. He claimed it was a wrong number.

Why do men want casual sex with no commitment?

August 04, 2016

Bobbi, 48, of Anaheim, a widow of five years, asked why older guys only want sex, and after the sex, leave - never to be heard from again. "Why do men do this?" said Bobbi. Normally, men don't speak up about dating issues, but sex is one topic they're willing to discuss.

One Huntington Beach man, requesting anonymity, said, "I'm always amused at the 'surprise' women report when the men they date want sex. Here's a bulletin for females in that category: Men date to get sex! That's not all that bad, because for lots of guys like me, that's the minimum relationship requirement."

Intimacy and senior sex too soon

July 31, 2016

Sex too soon often leads to a dead-end relationship. Sometimes we want love so much we try too hard and give away too much too soon.

Barbie, (name changed) age 48, Anaheim, Calif., is a widow of five years, with children grown and out of the house.

Barbie wrote me about her experience with a biker man who disappointed her. "Why doesn't a man like that want anything more than sex with a wonderful woman like me? Why did I feel like I lucked out when I met this guy, and now feel like he tricked me just to get his way? Why do men do this, Tom?"

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