Woman’s reason for not having sex too soon. Due to neck surgery, sex had to wait. In 3 months, his behavior changed.
By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50
Karen suggests a reason for not having sex too soon with a man.
She shared her story, "I met a great guy on Singlesnet.com. He is 58; I will be 55. He said he chose me because my profile was different from most women's.
"I'm a woman who doesn't put out because a guy buys me dinner, which has cost me a lot of 2nd and 3rd dates. I explained this to my great guy and he was fine with it."
Karen said she had major neck surgery in April, and couldn't have had sex even if her body, heart and mind had wanted too. She gave him a way out before the surgery, telling him she would understand if he left. But he has been by her side through her ordeal. "What a mensch you might say, right?" Karen said.
I told her he sounded like a pretty decent guy. That's what she had been thinking also. But, things have recently changed.
Karen explained, "It's been three months and now he's getting very demanding--understandable if things were normal but they aren't--I have not healed.
"In three months, you get to know a person OR not know a person, what they like or don't like. Apparently what he liked was that I haven't been able to do anything or go anywhere."
She said he doesn't talk about himself at all. He always pays in cash, has met her family, but she hasn't met his. He told her his daughter is married to a famous actor's son, which the daughter acknowledges, but each time Karen has invited them over or suggested they get together for a movie, there is an excuse why they can't.
Karen says, "It's pretty strange; red flags are starting to pop up. I invited him to the desert (Palm Springs) to my dad's to lie in the sun and go in the pool all week-end. We get there and he hadn't brought a bathing suit or shorts because he doesn't like the sun!"
When Karen asked what type of movies he likes, he said, "I don't like movies." He told Karen he raises capital for films, but she has no proof of that.
"I'm beginning to say to myself 'What do we have in common?'" Karen said.
"He wakes up about 4:00 a.m. seven days a week and wants to go to sleep about 8:30 p.m. I'm just the opposite, which I told him on the first date. I also realize now that on the week-ends he sleeps most of the day. My 80-year-old dad is more active.
"Here is my point: it takes a while for the 'honeymoon' to be over and the demands to begin--and, if you've jumped into bed too soon just to placate or have someone around, it isn't worth it!
"After reading your article a few weeks back on the dangers of having sex too soon, I suggested testing for diseases and he was outraged, saying, 'I was married for almost 30 years.' I reminded him of the women he'd been with after the marriage.
"The only reason I didn't break it off last week was out of guilt, because he has been there for me through my surgery and recovery, but it is eating at me. When that lady wrote you saying that it's ok after a few dates to jump into bed, I strongly disagreed with her and once again go with your advice, Tom.
"What has bothered me the most is his temper about intimacy, saying I'm treating him like a friend because I won't do all I can in the 'cuddling' department.
"Then, there is his unwillingness to discuss things in person. He only wants to do it through text messages or reluctantly by phone, which I won't do. Then, he keeps bringing it up for days.
"It's sad how in the beginning some men lead you to believe they are someone they are not! I am not just speaking about the 'um, 'celebrity' status, but about the likes and dislikes they profess just to keep you around."
I hesitate to say it because I'll get flak from some men, but I think Karen makes a valid point.