Avoiding STDs and Aids in senior sex is vital
By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50
Last week we wrote about Brenda, a 69-year-old nurse, who had had five dates with a guy living 100 miles away—a long distance relationship. And while they had not been physical, she felt they had a strong emotional connection. A sixth date had been scheduled, but did not happen because he told her he'd spent the night with another woman.
In effect, he broke their date for another woman. Yes, he was honest in telling her, but that was very uncool.
She decided not to see him again, saying, "Being a nurse, and knowing of the increase of STDs in the over-60 age group, I am adamant on testing. What I now know of his promiscuity, I don't want anything to do with him. It's not worth my health and safety."
Most Champs who responded agreed with her decision, including me. Senior dating demands safe sex. Seniors need to be tested before sex. However, one rewarding aspect of this newsletter is the diverse opinions of our Champs. Thank goodness we don't all always agree. In this case, David, a married man, who had a long-distance (1,400 miles) relationship with his wife before marrying her, had a different view.
David said, "I think her (Brenda's) expectations were totally unrealistic...there had been no discussion of exclusivity. If she had any expectation of exclusivity, she should have brought up the subject. He had no way of knowing she wasn't dating anyone else either.
"They barely got acquainted. You have often pointed out the folly of getting emotionally (involved) before getting to know someone. Brenda should have listened when he said he wanted to go slow. After the kind of marriage he had, that makes a lot of sense."
Another Champ agreed with David, saying there was no obligation for Brenda's new male friend to be exclusive.
Tom's response to David: You are correct, he wasn't obligated to not date others and be non-sexual. (One woman Champ called him a wolf and a dawg). But, when we first meet someone, and there seems to be a mutual desire to pursue a relationship, it's a little uncool to tell your new interest that you spent the previous night with someone just to try "it" out, let alone create a concern about contacting and possibly spreading a STD.
The argument could be he was just being honest, and wouldn't it be better to know than not? Yea, probably, but it's still a damper on the relationship.
When he told Brenda he wanted to go slow, he meant physically. And then he goes out and goes fast physically with someone else. Another wet wash-cloth on the relationship. It's a fine line between tact and honesty, that's for sure.
Avoiding STDs and Aids in senior sex is vital.