top of page

Senior friends have dated for six months. They feel no senior sex until marriage. But the man wants to date other women. He feels something is missing.  Senior sex before marriage may be what is missing here.

By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50

A woman asked, “How does one address the issue of friendship changing to attraction when the man seems to be unaware that there may be a change?”

She requested to remain anonymous because she doesn’t want to jeopardize any chance that her friendship with him might develop into something more. Hence, we shall call her Gail and him Charles.

Gail met Charles six months ago. “Just friends, nothing more,” says Gail. “There has not been anything physical or even romantically inclined dating. We both enjoy the same activities and have gone to a lot of functions together. These include church, dancing, dining, philharmonic, opera, and fishing.” Gail says she enjoys camping and anything outdoors. She says that she and Charles agree there will be no sex until marriage.

Gail isn’t sure if she loves Charles. “I admire him greatly and would like to get to know him better with the possibility of a future in mind. We are such a match in almost all areas of life—faith, activities, interests, values, intelligence and goals,” Gail said.

They have dated six months and she wants to get to know him better? She’s missing the boat.

But the problem is, three months ago, Charles told Gail he wanted to date someone else and asked for friend-only Gail’s opinion.

“My advice was go for it, ask her out and see what develops. Charles started dating her last week. They seem to hit it off quite nicely, but she does not share, and, in fact, dislikes and is afraid of some of the activities he and I enjoy,” Gail said. Of course, that Charles and the lady are hitting it off bothers Gail. She doesn’t want to lose Charles’s friendship nor a possible future with him.

Plus, Charles gives Gail confusing signals. He has told her, “I think I’m missing something important with you” and “I don’t know why I’m looking for anyone else, I should just stick with you.”

There is another factor at play here. Gail lives 25 miles from Charles and her workplace is 10 miles in the opposite direction from her home. The other women lives close to Charles and is more geographically desirable.

I suggested to Gail that she let Charles know that she’d like to be more than just friends. And while she and Charles feel there will be no senior sex until marriage, if I were Gail, I’d be concerned about Charles and the new woman becoming romantically entangled. She may need to change her no senior sex until marriage philosophy to senior sex before marriage. Six months is a long time to wait to get physical.

Charles and Gail seem to be compatible in all areas except romance—an incredibly important aspect of a relationship. I think it’s time for Gail to take Charles to dinner and plant a couple of big ones on him. That is, if she wants to reel him into the roost. How else is she going to find out if she loves him and if there is chemistry?

They’ve been friends for six months. If she’d like to become more than “just friends,” her arrangement with him needs to change. Plus, if he becomes a couple with the other women, chances are, that woman won’t allow Charles to maintain his friendship with Gail.

It’s time for Gail to put her assertive hat on— particularly because she’s at a geographical disadvantage—if it isn’t too late already. Dating for six months with no sex likely means sex after marriage won’t work. Something’s amiss here.

bottom of page