How a recent widower will spend New Year's Eve in San Francisco. Women find recent widowers fast

December 01, 2016

The most frequently asked question I receive from single women in the 50-to-80 age range is "Where are the men?" Today's heartwarming story gives an indication of what becomes of older men after they become single again.

 

I have a friend named George who lives in San Francisco. We established a common bond while sharing stories and experiences of living in the Bay Area in our younger days, primarily having to do with the restaurant chain Victoria Station.

 

When I published the memoir, "Prime Rib and Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?" (www.vicsta.com), George told me of his days frequenting the original Victoria Station restaurant in San Francisco, which was located under the Embarcadero Freeway near Fisherman’s Wharf.

A man gets hurt dating a new widow. Recent widows can be risky to date. Readers explain why in Part 2

December 01, 2016

I often warn women about dating recent widowers. Not that widowers are bad people, they aren't. It's just most have a heck of a time recovering from their loss and aren't ready to make a fresh commitment. Women often get hurt dating new widowers.

 

But it's not only widowers who can be risky to date. Recent widows can be risky to date, as Rich, a personal friend of mine in southern Orange County, California, experienced.

 

I met him through my Dana Point deli. He's a solid guy, tall, handsome, in shape, sense of humor, financially set. A man I'd feel comfortable introducing to a woman friend.

 

Rich, 67, met "a beautiful woman," age 62, while having breakfast two years ago at a coffee shop. She'd been widowed two years after a 37-year marriage. "I was very aware of the dangers of being the first relationship after her husband," Rich said.

Two women. Two widowers. Two problems. Dating a widower can be like walking in a mine field.

December 01, 2016

Dating a widower can be risky and challenging. Widowers need time to heal. Today, two women share their experiences with dating widowers and ask for advice.
 
Marie said, "I met a widower online on a Catholic Match service (Vietnam vet, cancer survivor and then bone marrow situation because of Agent Orange, counseling for Post T Stress Disorder), dated for three months. He pursued me with many dates every week, and 3-4 phone calls a day." 
 
"He was interested in making a commitment; we would only date each other. July was a great month. He was happy and made many plans with me ahead of time. 

 

Marrying a widower can work out. Widower's wife loves her man. Dating a widower can work out.

December 01, 2016

Melissa, "I married a widower and it's the best thing I ever did! 

 

"Patience is important when marrying a widower. Were there problems to work out? YES!! It has taken me two years to make their home OURS. I even had to help send his late wife's belongings to charities- after rejecting his offer that I could use some of her things! 

Follow up to last week’s article. Widower refuses to take down wife’s photos. Tom isn’t walking in a widower’s shoes.

December 01, 2016

In our last article, Sue said she's confused because while the widower has mentioned possible marriage in the future, pictures of his deceased wife remain throughout his house, and, he continues to put flowers on the church altar.

 
She said, "If he loves me, he would have already put her pictures in a drawer. If he wants a future with me, I shouldn't have to read in the church newsletter that he put flowers in memory of his wife; shouldn't the flowers, instead, be in my honor? 


"I've always been the most important person to the men I've dated. I wonder if I'm the most important person even though he says he has moved forward and is ready to have a life with me."    

Inside the mind of a widower. How he found love again

October 16, 2016

Widowers who seek new mates often get a bad rap. Women who've dated them say many cling to the memory of their wives, or they are too controlling, or too this or that.

 

But, widowers are also human beings who have a warm and courageous personal side. Today, Bill shares his views on loving again after a spouse passes—in Bill’s case, the passing of his wife of 40 years.

 

Bill writes, "I will never fully get over the loss of my wife. Yet, early on, I knew full well that I needed to transition to a more healthy place than continuing with the despair I faced with her passing.

Widower dating has its pitfalls, especially when all you do is give, give, give.

October 16, 2016

Singles need to be careful when getting involved with anyone who hasn't properly healed after the loss of a mate, especially widows and widowers. Bobbie, Minnesota, shared her widower-dating experience.

 

"We met at a swimming water-exercise class with me as the instructor and he as a participant. It started out great and was nice to have someone to do things with. We agreed that neither wanted to marry again. I've been divorced 26 years."

 

Bobbie said they dated for two years.

Protect your heart when dating a widower. Women can get hurt dating a widower

October 16, 2016

Last week, I mentioned that I often caution women about dating widowers. It's not because I think widowers are bad guys. To the contrary, most are wonderful men who were devoted to their deceased wives. For the most part, they understand what it takes to make a marriage work, and because of that perception, many women feel widowers would make great partners.

 

I base my caution warnings on the stories women who've dated widowers have shared with me over the years. In a nutshell, these women have said that the widowers convinced them that they had adequately healed and were ready--and wanted to b--in a committed relationship.

Widower misses a vowel

October 16, 2016

From time to time, we write about the importance of healing for people who've suffered the loss of a mate before they bring someone new into their lives.

 

How long to wait? Everybody's situation is unique. What is best for one may not be appropriate for another.

 

After corresponding with a widower online, Linda met him in person five months ago. A relationship began. She soon discovered, dating a widower can be a challenge. Can a widower say the love word?

Far Too Creepy to sleep in the same bed

September 17, 2016

Often, it’s best to replace the bed, and not just change the sheets.

Today we open with a bedroom-related question for women: If you were dating a widower, could you sleep in the same bed where his wife had died? That is the concern of a 52-year-old divorced woman who asked for advice.

I appreciate her forthrightness. Perhaps the answers presented here today will help women (and men) who are dating widowed people. It could even help the widowed people themselves. So thanks to her.

Widow and widower find love, but not marriage

August 26, 2016

Five years ago, I published a book titled, How 50 Couples Found Love After 50. The purpose of the book was to show how 100 singles age 50-plus found love after 50, and to give hope to older singles that finding love later in life is possible, and to never give up looking.

 

The couples featured in the book are from all over the USA and Canada. Some of them I had met before, but most I had not. Several couples featured are Champs who receive this newsletter. Some are together, others have suffered losses. 

Widow Beware. Loneliness leads to bad decisions. No sex life. Is She crazy?

August 26, 2016

A 69-year-old widow of one year emailed, saying that her two sons had disowned her because of the relationship she's had with a man for six months. She asked to remain anonymous so we'll call her Sue.

Sue provided background information: "He is living in my home. We are having a great time, traveling and enjoying life. There is no possibility of marriage. I don't want to, and he can't (he's married). He has no children.

On Friday, March 21, 2003, eight widows shared how they rebuilt their lives after healing.

August 04, 2016

Tom’s note: This article is as powerful in 2016 as it was when first published 13 years ago
 

No one doubts how debilitating losing a spouse is. But it is equally as important to focus on how people have rebounded to continue living their lives after their loss.

Today, eight widows share what they've done – after healing – to rebuild their lives.

Seeking love after a marriage ends: How long to wait?

July 31, 2016

I first wrote this article in 2003. The same considerations apply in 2016. Widowers and divorced people often ask how long they should wait to date after a marriage ends.

Edith wrote: "I'm 69. My husband of 13 years passed away a year ago. On New Year's Day, I met a 79-year-old widower in our park. We have been seeing each other on a regular basis. I feel affectionate toward him.

Widower is a model for all Champs -The Sands of Time

July 22, 2016

“GOOD SATURDAY EVENING, TOM” was the subject line of an email I received this past Saturday night.

 

The email read, “A widow who has been networked to me via my grief counselor wanted to read my poem The Sands of Time on your web site. She just called me to tell me it was not available. Has the poem been deleted?”

Widower poem by David Southworth

July 18, 2016

THE SANDS OF TIME

Somewhere waiteth in this world of ours
One lone soul to find another.

Destiny strolled into my life
Like a spring rain
Conceiving a rainbow.

My life was changed forever.
Your love fondling my heart...

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