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People who have been hurt or abused need to let anger go to be able to grow in a new relationship. Healing is needed to have a successful new relationship. Healing takes time and might require therapy.

January 22, 2017

When people are deeply hurt after their marriage or relationship ends, they need to let the anger go. Men sometimes have the most difficulty healing from a bad relationship.


A few weeks back, we wrote about SF, a South Florida woman who had a short-lived relationship with a man she met online. In that column, SF wrote: "He mentioned a past relationship that had caused him a lot of pain, the woman had belittled him often, and after three years, it was enough and he walked out. It had been eight months he said, and then he mentioned he knew someone who could make sure she would get to see my picture he had in his I phone."


The ex saw SF's picture, got jealous, and enticed him back. He dumped SF, apparently to go back for more of the old pain.

When two people meet, a lack of chemistry is a deal breaker. No chemistry usually means no relationship. That is the case today.

December 22, 2016

CJ, "I recently met a man online; we exchanged a few e-mails before agreeing to meet at a restaurant on a Sunday afternoon. In the next four weeks, we went on four more dates--a conservatory, art festival, sporting event, and then to dinner. 
"About a week and a half later, I got an e-mail from him saying he didn't feel the connection/chemistry was there and didn't want to see me anymore. 

After 10 years of being abused, Candace left her husband. Then she met his new wife, a young Chinese woman, who told Candace she too was being abused. Should an abused ex-wife help a new abused wife?

December 22, 2016

"I had a rather unnerving experience today. I met my ex-husband's current wife, a Chinese woman in her 30s, who works at the local post office where I went to ship a package. My ex is 68," Candace (not her real name) emailed.
Candace detailed her experience with her ex, and why encountering the new wife was unnerving.
"He was charming and generous during courtship, but revealed his true nature-stingy, possessive jerk-after we married," she said. 
"I lived with him for 10 years. Over time, he had become more paranoid, moody, and jealous for imaginary reasons. A 'rage-aholic.'" 

Wasting years on a long distance relationship and a man’s dating dishonesty is senior fantasy love

December 01, 2016

Note from Tom: This article appeared in 2008. It is a two-part article. Part 2 are follow up comments.

Ana, age 62, wonders if she'll ever meet a man she can trust. She explained why she thinks this way.

"I was married for 34 years. My spouse found a younger woman who he had an affair with starting in 2002; he left me for her on March 1, 2003. Our divorce was finalized on Dec. 31, 2003."

A few months later, in 2004, Ana met a man-10 years younger--at her niece's wedding. Ana lived on the West Coast, he lived on the East Coast. "We started emailing and became friends. We shared deep, intimate details about our persona and we both thought we had found our soul mate/kindred spirit. We had a deep friendship that developed into a romance; however it was very dysfunctional."

Stepping Around Recent Widowers. A woman learns recent widowers need time to heal. It takes guts to leave, to avoid controlling behavior

December 01, 2016

Dawn is a recent subscriber to our newsletter. The newsletter three weeks ago about Sharon's experience dating a widower inspired Dawn to share her entanglement with a widower. Dawn is an excellent writer. I let her story flow from start to finish with minor editing and comments from me.


Dawn began by saying, "Although I met a widower 1.5 years after the death of his wife, he had started dating within a couple months of her death and moved into a relationship two months after that with someone he met on months after his wife's passing.

Is “Widows and Widowers need time to heal a myth?” Erratic widower behavior may be caused by more serious emotional problems.

December 01, 2016

Last week, we wrote about Dawn, who broke off her engagement to a man who tried to rush her into getting married. She stated that he was a widower who had started dating within months of his wife's death.


Red flags started to appear within four months of their becoming engaged. His behavior toward Dawn went downhill from there. Four months after ended the relationship with him, he married someone else. Three months after that, he divorced her.


The newsletter ended with a warning to singles not to rush into marriage and to proceed cautiously with someone who hasn't properly healed, particularly widowed people.


Our members are educated, bright and willing to share their opinions. Such was the case responding to Dawn’s story.

Why Singles Need Information. A widow falls for a man, but gets a nagging feeling he was cheating.

December 01, 2016

In a way, Louise is a lucky woman. Not because of what has happened to her over the past 12 months, but because she has a caring friend named Patti who gave her a gift-subscription to this newsletter.
Patti has been a long-time newsletter reader. She's getting married in February, and felt strongly enough about the newsletter's benefits that she gave a gift subscription to Louise, knowing it would help Louise dig herself out of the dating mess you'll read about today.  

Breakup Warning Signals. Speculating on why Nicholas was dumped

October 17, 2016

Last week's column featured Nicholas, a 70-year-old man who was dumped by his girlfriend of a year and a half. Of course, we only had his side of the story. Several gave opinions on what may have happened.


Joyce, 71, said, "I feel compelled to write concerning the gentleman who was so surprised at being "dumped."  I have been divorced for 17 years and have had several long-term relationships during that time. During each relationship, I tried to communicate reasons why the relationship may not last, but not one man listened or believed me. 

Nicholas is Licking his wounds. He was dumped before Christmas. Senior breakups hurt men more than women sometimes.

October 17, 2016

Nicholas is reeling. He doesn't know what happened. He's searching for answers and perhaps a new love.


He wrote, "I've only been married once, widowed after 43 years.
I never celebrated Christmas after my wife died, it was too difficult. Holidays didn't mean anything. I didn't think I could fall in love again, but I did."


Four and a half years after his wife died, Nicholas, now 70, met a new lady. "She was my first love since my wife's death. That particular Christmas I was so happy; I really got into the Christmas spirit again and all that, shopping for gifts for her. We had a very loving and close relationship for a year and a half."

When spouses move out without notice

October 02, 2016

Today's article is about two men who had spouses move out without notice. The first man is Trent, and his story is a man's journey to find happiness after his second wife took her kids and moved to another state to be with a man she re-connected with on Facebook. Trent had no idea she planned to do it; he was out of town when she left. 


Trent's story caught my eye because in many ways his path has been similar to mine. He said, "I am in my early 50's and was married for 20 years to a high school sweetheart. The marriage ended and I mostly raised my four kids from there.

Fear of ending a bad relationship

September 18, 2016

When marriages crumble, there are always two sides to the story. In today’s column, we hear of only the wife’s side about being stuck in an unhappy second marriage.

Before men blast off emails of protest for not giving equal time to her husband, let me say we are not passing judgment on the husband. He could be a wonderful guy and he'd likely have a far different version of this story.

What’s important today is the message at the end of the column that applies to all women in relationships, whether married or otherwise. Ending a relationship or ending a bad marriage is difficult, but is often the best thing.

After Four Years of no Commitment, She Ended Relationship

September 02, 2016

Most middle-age singles enter relationships hoping they will be treated well and the relationship will be special. Things don't always turn out that way.

Joan of Aliso Viejo shared her story, hoping it would help others who become involved in relationships that don't progress.

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