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Nicholas is Licking his wounds. He was dumped before Christmas. Senior breakups hurt men more than women sometimes.

By Tom P Blake Finding Love After 50

He wrote, "I've only been married once, widowed after 43 years.
I never celebrated Christmas after my wife died, it was too difficult. Holidays didn't mean anything. I didn't think I could fall in love again, but I did."


Four and a half years after his wife died, Nicholas, now 70, met a new lady. "She was my first love since my wife's death. That particular Christmas I was so happy; I really got into the Christmas spirit again and all that, shopping for gifts for her. We had a very loving and close relationship for a year and a half."

Nicholas's situation sounds like what many older singles hope for. Someone comes along and fills the void left by the loss of a love. We hope we can ride off into the sunset together. But for him, it wasn't to be.


Nicholas said, "With no warning I was dumped two weeks before Christmas. There was no Christmas that year (not for me anyway). That darn near killed me since I was in love and had no clue that anything was wrong. I still don't know what happened--she tells me don't write--don't call etc. It's been 10 months since; I'm still not healed from that. Why do relationships end around Christmas?


"I was so happy and caught unaware. I was completely devastated; it brought the 'grief' thing back all over again. Hopefully I'll meet someone and be happy again," Nicholas said.


To rub salt into the wound, he's learned she is dating someone else.

Nicholas added, "I'm told I'm good looking--and I'm comfortable--I live within my means; I have no bills, I can cook and do the housework thing, so I'm not the helpless male and I'm still active.


"I'm what most would think is a good catch. I'm President of a widow and widowers club so have seen some others' experiences. I really don't know what the answer is. It's lonesome being alone, but I've seen many in worse circumstances."


Senior breakups hurt men more than women.


I can relate to Nicholas's story. I've mentioned before that my writing about mid-life relationships was inspired by a similar experience that happened to me. On Xmas Eve 1993, my wife cleaned out the house and moved out of my life with no warning. Why do relationships end around Christmas?


Oh yes, I was aware that she and I needed to have one of those "Where do we go from here?" conversations, but the move out was a surprise. I wasn't as devastated as Nicholas, but an experience like that throws a monkey wrench into one's life. To this day, I've never had an explanation from her and don't want one.


At the time it happened, I didn't know it would turn out to be a blessing in disguise. And maybe that's what will happen to Nicholas. Often things happen to us in life that we don't understand until later, sometimes years later.


I've been blessed for the last 19-plus years to be with a kind, gentle, loving and unselfish woman. I'm hoping that will be the case for Nicholas-only much sooner than later.

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