Why Singles Need Information. A widow falls for a man, but gets a nagging feeling he was cheating.
By Tom P Blake Finding Love After 50
In a way, Louise is a lucky woman. Not because of what has happened to her over the past 12 months, but because she has a caring friend named Patti who gave her a gift-subscription to this newsletter.
Patti has been a long-time newsletter reader. She's getting married in February, and felt strongly enough about the newsletter's benefits that she gave a gift subscription to Louise, knowing it would help Louise dig herself out of the dating mess you'll read about today.
Many people who become single later in life haven't had a date in 30 or 40 years with anyone other than their spouse. Chances are they are a widow naïve about the realities of modern-day dating. They're lonely and vulnerable. Without guidance, some make poor relationship decisions.
It's unfortunate that Louise, a 67-year-old widow, hadn't been reading this newsletter a year ago when she met a man online.
Louise said, "On our first date, it was like we had known each other for years. The chemistry between us was so strong we couldn't stay away from each other. I drove to his house almost every week (50 miles each way). I realized I loved him after four months. He made me feel like a real woman and said I was the one he wanted to be with."
Louise noticed that when his buddies told him they wanted a woman like her, he'd say the right words to impress her: "Sorry, she's one of a kind and she's mine."
Louise says the man brought her out of her shell: "Even my late husband didn't treat me like he did. I changed my life to please him, I loved him that much. He didn't like being around family so I quit seeing my family as often. If I wanted to do something and he didn't, I'd do what he wanted, not wanting to anger him.
"I was getting an attitude like his. I stopped being a fun person to be around. My family noticed."
I asked Louise what the attraction was. She said, "The way he treated me at first. He was everything I could ever want. We were so close we could read each other's mind. If he thought it, I would say it and vice a versa. It was kind of scary knowing what each other was thinking."
A nagging feeling about him cheating
After a year of catering to him, Louise felt she knew him and the relationship was working well.
"He wanted everything based on honesty. I gave him 150% of me. We had plans to move in to together and get a bigger house when mine sold," Louise said.
But she had a nagging feeling he was seeing other women. "I couldn't prove it until I caught him. He cheated on me the whole year. He even tried to date my daughter on one of the dating services (he didn't know her last name and got caught). He swears someone did that to break us up. He lied his way out of that."
When Louise's beau received phone calls from women, Louise would question him about the calls. He told her he did it to see what her reaction would be. She talked to some of the women he got calls from; he was lying to them as well. They encouraged her to get rid of him.
Hard to walk away
It's hard for Louise to walk away: "I tried to leave before; he talked me into staying by saying I was the only one and the whole nine yards. I still love this man. He wanted me to wait for him while he checked around to see if I was the right one for him.
"When you give someone everything you treasure and they betray you, it's hard to trust again."
For Louise, a little relationship advice a year ago could have helped her avoid the pain. Let's hope she listens now and walks away.