Two years, one date. Is senior single woman waiting too long?
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter September 8, 2017 Joyce (not her true name) emailed, “Don't know if you remember me but I asked your advice on a guy I met on Twitter over a year ago. You gave me advice and said if anything happens to let you know. We finally met in person! It went so well! “He was everything he said he was and more! I am thrilled! We are going to meet again up in the Bay Area!” I checked my email history and couldn’t find previous correspondence with Joyce, so I am uncertain what advice I gave her—likely it was to take it slow and to be careful he wasn’t a scammer. Joyce lives in the East San Francisco Bay area within the Concord/ Walnut Creek corridor. I responded to her: “That is good news. Tell me more. How long did it take to meet in person? When will you meet again? Is he divorced, widowed or never married. Is he married now? Have you met any of his friends or family? Joyce: “He lives in Los Alamitos, in Orange County, and is pretty busy. He is an engineer and travels a lot! We met last week in San Jose (which means Joyce traveled there to meet him, about an hour and a half considering traffic). He was on a business trip...It took us two years to meet! I wish I would have met him a long time ago. “The next time he is in San Jose we will meet again. We met on Twitter over a Scottish question! We have been texting and emailing for almost two years! Really what a great guy he is! He is 58; I am 56. “Do you have any positive advice on things moving along with him? Yes, I will need patience. He likes me—told me I was even better in person. I don’t want to smother him. “Since we have been friends for a while, I did check this guy out and everything he has told me checked out! “He works for a U.K. engineering firm, Renishaw. “It took two years to meet because it just didn’t work out. It is what it is. I truly believe things work out for a reason…when it is time. "I am going to put dating in God’s hands. “To thank this wonderful guy, I bought him gifts. One was wine. I don’t drink. His favorite is merlot. The bottle I gave him was his favorite brand. I had no idea. Trader Joe’s told me it was a good brand to give to someone. “He was very touched by my gifts and thanked me a few times. “I will proceed carefully. I want to text him a million times but I am not going to text him for a while.” Tom’s thoughts on Joyce’s situation. She should remember: Trust your instincts in senior dating Since, I hadn’t heard from Joyce in three weeks, I asked her for an update on Wednesday, and more specifically if he was married because that is a red flag that could possibly be waving. She said, “He is divorced. Yes, single.” But she hasn’t seen again. She added, “I am still so impressed with him in person—so smart, nice, funny and handsome! I am proceeding with caution. I am a huge Outlander book fan (a series of eight novels about 18th century Scotland) and yesterday he sent me an email to tell me one of the TV stars from the Outlander show was on. I thought that was so sweet of him to take an interest. He has a very demanding career and it was sweet to take the time to remember.” Here is my take on her situation. I could be wrong, but I have a gut-feeling--based on the limited knowledge she has provided: -Joyce asked for “positive advice,” not just advice, but positive advice. To me that means, this woman has dating blinders on and her hopes up.
-Even though she says she has checked him out, I am not as convinced as she is who he truly is. Does he really live in Los Alamitos? Orange County is an hour flight or a six-hour drive from the Bay Area, and yet it took two years to meet? She says it’s just “because it didn’t work out.” That is not a good enough reason for me. Does he really work for a U.K. engineering firm? -She says he’s divorced. Might he be married? -I do believe, as she said, that things work out for a reason, that people enter our lives for a reason (sometimes). But, a statement that always bothers me when it comes to dating and relationships is, “leaving it in God’s hands.” I am not being sacrilegious here, and mean no offense to anyone’s religious beliefs, but it seems to me we need to take responsibility for our own dating and relationship decisions. -She said the face-to-face meeting “went so well.” Not sure what that means. -She doesn’t want to smother him. That’s encouraging, smothering is not good for any relationship. I would say she hasn’t exactly done that if it’s taken two years to meet, but wanting to text to him a million times indicates to me that she’s totally being reeled into his web. She should have other interests and not put all her eggs in this one basket. Let’s hope this turns out well for Joyce. But, I just have a nagging feeling that something’s not right with her situation. Correct me if I’m wrong Champs. What’s your take?