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Conflicted. Choosing to live near her man or near her grandchildren and daughter. Should she stay?

December 22, 2016

A 71-year-old widow has a dilemma. She has had a relationship with a man of 85 for five years. Four years ago, he decided to move to another state and wanted her to move there also. She agreed. He bought two houses and she moved into one of them.


She said, "I moved because I wanted to get back into a house, and he offered to buy the house and allow me to buy it from him as I was financially able to. We preferred to have separate living conditions. Rent payments also go toward the purchase of the home."

When children are in the mix.

December 22, 2016

Last week, we featured a story about Harry, 55, who loves spending time with his "big, noisy" family, and Alice, 44, his girlfriend, who has no children and resents Harry's dedicated involvement with his family and friends. 
You'd think that after writing close to 1,800 columns on dating and relationships over 16 years that I'd have a good handle on any topic that comes up. But I blew it on this one.

Can a big, noisy family ruin a relationship? He has 4 kids; she has none. She wants more of his time. Will incompatibility create a split?

December 22, 2016

Harry is 55; Alice is 44. They've been together three years, having met while he was going through a divorce. Harry said, "We get along on so many levels, intellect, hobbies, movies, fine dining, cooking, nature, and many other personal things, including our intimate lives. We once spoke of marriage and maybe a child of our own."


With all of that compatibility, it sounds like a match made to last. But-and there always seems to be a "but"-there is a major incompatibility in their relationship.  

Dating when a widower’s daughter creates a problem in the relationship. Children can ruin a senior relationship.

December 01, 2016

When people become single later in life and decide to date again, their children often have a problem dealing with it.


Sue, not her true name, is in that category and has a dilemma. She and the widower she's dating have many things in common, love one another, and enjoy their time together. But, a 19-year-old daughter of the widower is putting a strain on the relationship. 
Sue said, "Our relationship, while great in some ways, has its issues. He feels sorry for his youngest child, spoils her, and doesn't expect her to do much at all, since she lost her mother at age 13.  
"While I sympathize for them both, he is doing her and me no favors by treating her like a wounded princess. For this reason, I doubt if we will ever live together. His daughter lives with him, and while she complains about living with him, neither of them seems to be moving in a direction of helping her to become more independent."  

Dating when children are still at home. Single parent doesn’t want anyone involved with his children and wonders why he is having trouble dating.

December 01, 2016

This email got my attention: "Had you told this 55-year-old man 30 years ago that some day he would need advice about women, he would have laughed at you."
But advice is what Brian, Austin, TX, wants. He provided background to clarify his situation.
Brian said, "The problem is I am a Yankee, born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. To a lot of people in Texas, that's not good. You would be surprised how I get prejudged by some of the ladies not being a native Texan."
But to Brian, being from Brooklyn isn't his only problem. He said: "I am a single parent of two daughters, one 18 in the service, one 14 still at home.

Children can sabotage a senior relationship. Widower dating when children are involved.

December 01, 2016

Last week, we featured Sue's story about dating a widower whose 19-year-old daughter was sabotaging Sue's relationship with him. Readers responded. Children can sabotage a senior relationship.
Carlene dated a widower who had a similar situation with his only daughter (age 35): "There was no way the daughter was ever going to allow her father to have a committed relationship with another woman, let alone live a life separate from her.
"He provided a house for her and her husband/children, where he got a room upstairs in exchange for paying the mortgage.

Single woman, 50, with kids at home can find love.

October 16, 2016

Here's the situation. Back, in 2005, two days before Valentine's Day, which is also her birthday, Linda, who was 48, was widowed. She had a 16-year-old daughter and two sons, one 14, the other 12, living at home. Now 50, she's feeling the need to spread her wings a bit.


She says, "I've never wanted anyone to pity me. God gave me 20 great years with a loving husband and father. Your life does change in ways you never expected. You find out who your true friends are and you realize life does go on."

"Eventually" (he will have to decide when to introduce her to his family)

October 02, 2016

When I first read Champ Julie's relationship-related email, I knew I would have to ask you Champs for your help in answering it. Oh, I'd take a stab at it, but, your opinions would be essential.


Julie wrote, "I've been dating a man for almost a year. We had only known each other for a month or two when he was diagnosed with throat cancer. Our relationship was put 'on hold' for a while during his surgery and treatment, which ended about 6 months ago. Since then, all of the tests have come back negative for cancer!

How long should singles wait to meet a new mate's friends and family?

October 02, 2016

In a newsletter, I raised the question about senior dating when kids are involved. Children and family can affect a new senior relationship and gave an example. Here is what several of our Champs said: 


Alicia, Austin, Texas: "Julie has gone above and beyond supporting the man. If he cared deep down for Julie, he would have treated her like a gem and introduced this loyal light in his life to his family and friends by now. Julie needs to shine bright for someone else and let him go."

Dating when children are a factor

August 04, 2016

Dating when children are involved is a complex issue for couples of any age.

A divorced woman e-mailed: "I have six children, ages 6 to 19. Do I even get to consider myself available to date? I'm incredibly lonely."

Even Children Can Help Seniors Find A New Mate

August 26, 2016

Using the Internet to meet potential mates can be overwhelming for older singles, particularly those intimidated by computers. But their computer-savvy kids are starting to help them.
Lori, Rancho Santa Margarita, California, wrote, "I was browsing the web this morning in hopes of finding more information on seniors and dating for my mom, who is 73. I came across your newspaper article from May 2007 in the OC Register and wanted your opinion.

What To Do When Dating With Children Involved

August 26, 2016

When people become single later in life and decide to date again, often their children have a problem dealing with it and get in the way.

Sue, not her true name, is in that situation and has a dilemma. She and the widower she is dating have many things in common, love one another, and enjoy their time together. But, a 19-year-old daughter of the widower is putting a strain on the relationship. 

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