Dating when children are still at home. Single parent doesn’t want anyone involved with his children and wonders why he is having trouble dating.
By Tom P Blake of Finding Love After 50
This email got my attention: "Had you told this 55-year-old man 30 years ago that some day he would need advice about women, he would have laughed at you."
But advice is what Brian, Austin, TX, wants. He provided background to clarify his situation.
Brian said, "The problem is I am a Yankee, born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. To a lot of people in Texas, that's not good. You would be surprised how I get prejudged by some of the ladies not being a native Texan."
But to Brian, being from Brooklyn isn't his only problem. He said: "I am a single parent of two daughters, one 18 in the service, one 14 still at home.
"I have met women who have children of their own but I do not want to be involved with their kids and I don't want them involved with mine."
Other issues for Brian: lack of funds and time. He added, "I am hesitant to go to one of the big computer dating services. It seems like a large investment of time and money of which I have neither and I feel women are just looking for men with money."
And then there's another issue Brian raised. "I recently discovered 'Craigslist.' And even though there are plenty of women 40 to 50 plus, saying they are overweight, saying they judge a man by his character and are not looking for wealth.
"But when I have responded to them, they all seem to want what they themselves are not: looks, money or someone who is going to take care of them in their old age."
Hoping to meet new people, Brian looked into joining some groups.
He said, "I am not a very religious man, but I did find a church group for adults over 40. The trouble was the group had been long established and I was treated like an outsider, which I guess I was to them.
"The local Parents Without Partners was of no help because I could not devote the time they wanted from me. My job does not give me a great amount of free time."
And finally, Brian commented on his personal characteristics: "I am five feet seven and a little overweight. I've been told that I am not that bad-looking for my age; most people think I'm in my early 40's. I've been told by many women what a sweet guy I am (mostly by women way too young for me.)"
In frustration, Brian ended with, "Tell me what I'm doing wrong and why I'm alone."
I suggested Brian reread his email; the answers to why he's alone lie within it.
He doesn't want anybody to be involved with his daughters, and since the 14 year-old lives with him, nobody is going to be involved with him as long as the daughter lives under the same roof. Either he changes that thinking, or he's going to be alone at least until she moves out of the house.
Not to mention, he doesn't want to be involved with anybody else's kids. That eliminates many of the women he might meet. Dating when children are still at home won’t work for him.
And then there's his lack of available time. If one doesn't have the time to devote to dating-or to be with a potential mate-well, that's a major problem. What woman wants a guy who is never around?
As far as being a foreigner in Texas, I won't comment.