Younger women dating older man often blame others for saying younger women date older men for their money.
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
One of the issues often raised by women age 50+ is older men dating younger women. So, it's always a relief to hear of a young woman who has thrown up her hands in frustration at dating older men and withdrawn from the dating pool. This week's candidate didn't leave without some serious finger pointing at me for making matters difficult for her.
Older single women can breathe a sigh of relief. A 31-year-old has removed herself from the pool of women seeking older men.
And she blames me for what happened.
She searched my Finding Love After 50 Website for information about younger women dating older men and found a column I had written on the topic.
After reading the article, she emailed: "I happened to fall for someone older than me. I had a lot of concerns about how society would view me as a woman wanting to be with an older man.
"I was incredibly afraid of the stereotypes people would place on me like the ones you propagate in your archived column about older men who date younger women. Your incredibly offensive picture of younger women who date older men is not at all true for me in any way."
I get a surprising number of emails from young women who feel the need to rationalize why they date considerably older men and she was no exception:
"I do not go dancing in clubs. I do not want any money from anyone. I am fiercely independent and I would rather sit at home and read a good book than to be out late at night at some club.
"During my relationship, there was an incident while we were out eating one day. And no, it was not some overpriced meal at a pretentious restaurant that I forced him to take me to. An older lady saw us, assumed we were not together, and started flirting with him.
"I did not want to deny him the chance to be with an older woman, so I told him that if he wanted to date her he could. He told the lady he was not interested and that I was his girlfriend. Contrary to your belief, I did want him to have an opportunity to be with someone his own age."
And then the blame:
"The demise to our relationship was caused by the incredibly presumptuous and prejudicial statements like the ones you made in your column.
"Because he reads and hears all the time that younger women are only after older men for monetary gain, he refused to accept that I loved him and wanted just him. Because he refused to accept this, I broke off our relationship."
And then she explained her benevolence:
"He tried to give me an expensive computer for Christmas, furniture, and money that I refused to accept. I wouldn't even borrow a dollar from him when I came up a little short at a store once. I held up the line and had him wait (and everyone else in line behind them) while I went to an ATM to get my own money.
"Contrary to your belief, I am a younger woman who was (and still is) genuinely in love with an older man and I CANNOT BE BOUGHT."
And then, more blame:
You propose in your column that women like me are nothing short of prostitutes. Your arguments are incredibly short-sighted and prejudicial.
And finally, advice:
"You, sir, should find some wisdom in your advanced years and realize that not all young women are out to steal and use older men."
My question: So, why else would they date them?
I'm relieved to learn that not all young women prey on older men. And I'm sure you are also. Life amazes me. It is amazing how people can blame others for the mistakes they make.