Women and men comment on commitment

By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50

Note from Tom: This article first appeared December 20, 2002, and was updated in 2016

Women comment on commitment

Women explained why they're cautious about commitment, while some men said they're willing to commit.

Jillian of Huntington Beach e-mailed, "Your suggestion for women to wait and see if a man will commit was totally off base. The worst thing a woman can do is wait, esp. if the man isn't capable of communicating his feelings! Women should hold off becoming emotionally involved. And that means taking time to be friends first, lovers second."

Two women feel some men are too eager: "It's the down-and-out men who want to move in with you RIGHT AWAY. There are a lot of weirdos out there - like one who proposed on our first date. And the ones who say 'I love you' too easily after one or two dates," wrote Pat Howard of Fountain Valley.

And from Amarillo, Texas, Margaret e-mailed, "I have serious commitment problems. I meet many men so desperate they immediately get all gushy and are making future plans that include me before we even know each other."

Two women expressed marriage concerns: Sue, Orange, California, e-mailed, "Fear of commitment is right up my alley. I don't want to marry again. I have a great partner now, but it's because he's my partner and not my husband that I feel so good."

From Washington, D.C., Judy e-mailed, "I won't marry again, but that doesn't mean I'm unwilling to commit. I'm in a relationship, and it's going well. We are only promised this moment ... and I think having good friends and loved ones, remembering to value them, and accept their love, is pretty darn good."

And two women raised commitment-related questions: "Have we reached a point where we're happy with ourselves?" wrote Michele of San Juan Capistrano, "I'm a middle-age woman who doesn't want commitment."

Dolores of Temecula thinks women should be more realistic, "Why do so many otherwise intelligent, mature women continue to ask why men don't want to commit?

"They cried about it as teenagers, and 30-plus years later they still don't get it! A lot of unnecessary anguish might be avoided if they simply stop expecting that because a man has shared time and a bed with them, he surely thinks and feels exactly the same as they do."

Men comment about commitment

The men speak out, too. Says Ken, 53, of Anaheim Hills, "You are out of touch; lack of commitment isn't a guy problem. It's a female problem.

"I've dated and/or communicated with every eligible gal in O.C. over 5-foot-7 (onMatch.com). None of them are ready for anything remotely serious. And I'm probably the most eligible and motivated bachelor available."

Larry, 54, a divorced man from Irvine, says, "Until men learn that a relationship isn't all about them, many women will be reluctant to commit again. Women probably don't want another: workaholic, alcoholic, golfaholic, sportsaholic, or couchpotatoholic, or combination thereof."

Mike, 62, of Clearlake Oaks wrote: "I moved up here two years ago from O.C., where I lived for 30 years. I'd love to commit, but men don't want to inherit some other guy's problems. I met a woman with three kids, but no income, car or job. I don't want to reinvent the wheel. I'm more than willing to bear the brunt of expenses, plus the cooking, cleaning and laundry. Men have to be met at least halfway."

Most single women and men would commit under the right set of circumstances, the most important being compatibility and fairness. However, finding that combination or marrying again?

Well, that's a different issue.

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