Where is Mr. Wonderful?
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
I need your help with today’s story. What would you tell this woman who is 50 and considers herself to be “a tall, attractive and intelligent blonde, educated with a quick wit and an outrageous sense of humor?” Here’s additional background information she provided.
“I have been single for 15 years, raising kids. Now they are grown. I’ve had my profile on match.com for two years. I have gone on over 50 dates with many quality men, but no one interests me for longer than two or three dates.
What is wrong with me? I have done speed dating, dinner dating, lunch dating, sporting events, matchmaker-for-a-fee dating, hung out at every bar in Orange County and have no trouble meeting men. I just seem to be bored by them. Is it possible to be single for too long? Any suggestions for meeting SINCERE men? I am beginning to think men want very simple and non-challenging women for partners.” Where are sincere senior men she wants to know?
Based on the above information, I didn’t come up with much, other than to tell her not to settle for a man who doesn’t meet her expectations. And I didn't think being single for 15 years was a problem, that she was better off being single and unhappy than in a relationship and unhappy. I asked, “What qualities in a mate are you looking?”
She said, “I am in search of an intelligent, sincere, grounded, successful, spontaneous and fun partner. Men who work a 40-hour week with two weeks of vacation a year just don’t interest or attract me. I like to take a great trip one week every three months.”
Perhaps the above paragraph gives a clue to the problem. Many single men I know are intelligent, sincere, grounded, successful, spontaneous and fun. But they wouldn’t qualify because they work a hell of a lot more than 40 hours a week and are lucky to get one great trip in every few years.
Men don’t want women who are challenging. Life and work are challenging enough. Men want women who are easy to be with—loving, kind, caring, sensitive and interesting (as opposed to challenging)— and who are friends.
Sounds like she needs to get a rich guy who is also Mr. Wonderful. And maybe the ones she’s met haven’t thought she was as attractive, intelligent or quick-witted as she thinks. She sounds so “Orange County” to me.
Since she's been in "every bar in Orange County," perhaps she's trying too hard. The vision of her on all of those barstools isn't a pretty picture.
She’s starting to feel the pressure of reaching 50. She says, “The idea of dating in my 50’s scares me to death, as no matter how well you take care of yourself, or how many medical procedures you have, 50 is still 50.” (Wait till she reaches 60 and 70).
Maybe when she hits 55, she’ll drop the materialistic requirements she’s looking for and settle for just an intelligent, sincere, grounded, successful and fun guy instead of one who can take a great trip every three months. Also, if she's had cosmetic procedures, more of them aren't the answer either.
Can you help this poor woman? I’ve run out of suggestions for her. What advice would you give?