Six first date turnoffs from the male point of view. Senior first date no no’s include cell phone use, dissing an ex and adding lipstick
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
In response to women asking for the male point-of-view on senior dating, Scott's comment from last week, "I am not remotely interested in proving myself on the first date with a ceaseless verbal qualifying exam as if I am claiming a prize," hatched today's topic on men's first-date turnoffs.
One first-date turnoff came from Rich: "If you haven't gotten over being hurt by past relationships, try not to use that as an 'opener.' Let's look forward to what might be."
If I may expand on Rich's answer. Invariably you'll be asked on a first date about the circumstances surrounding your divorce or breakup. Any mention of how poorly you were treated by an ex-spouse or ex-mate should be tabled.
A good answer might be: "There are two sides to every story. So, why don't we just leave it at that for now? However, if you really want to know, when you have ten hours or so, we'll sit down and I'll fill you in on what a scoundrel my husband was."
Doug mentioned a first-date turnoff he experienced: "On the two occasions, where my badgering was successful in obtaining a first date, I achieved the foundation for my hypothesis-female fantasy vs. reality -through encounters with women many pounds and years removed from the svelte damsels of photo display. They knew, and I knew-though left unsaid-that their representations were pure fraud and untruths."
Larry had first-date pet peeves as well: "I have a big smile on my face as I reflect on at least the half dozen women I've met for the first time from internet dating sites. They have a pre-conceived check list and just one point can disqualify a potentially great partner. It is comically like an un-smooth job interview and not very romantic.
"Perhaps had they been smarter, a second, third or fourth meeting would have more graciously brought out their wanted information. These women have obviously not looked in a mirror regarding their own lifestyles, family history, spending habits or desired spending habits and their mannerisms including lack of manners."
And then Larry candidly admitted, "Fortunately or unfortunately, I have a check list also, but, I usually allow two or three strikes before they are out."
And if I may jump into the fray, I put arriving late as a bad way to begin a first date. True, unforeseen events can happen, such as freeway traffic jams. But being late is rude and an indication that the culprit doesn't consider the first meeting all that important.
Another first-date turnoff: Not shutting down your cell phone beforehand. Worst yet, answering your cell phone, and even worse yet, talking or texting during the date.
And another: Not listening to what the man has to say. Instead, you just obliviously drone on and on.
And the ultimate turn off: poor etiquette at the table. Hauling your compact mirror out, then adding lipstick and/or makeup is usually a second-date killer. The dinner table or barstool is not the bathroom.
And in case you haven't completely turned the guy off by now, the nail in the coffin might be, on the way out, you grab a toothpick and start removing the spinach from your teeth.
No wonder people are nervous on first dates, there's so much to remember. Here is a summary of six first-date no-no's from the male point-of-view:
6 first-date turnoffs
1. Avoid drilling him with a check off list
2. Don't bash your ex
3. Don't entice him beforehand with out-of-date photos or false premises
4. Leave your cell phone in the car
5. Sincerely listen to what he says
6. Use Emily Post etiquette
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PS Comment from Tom: I hope men continue to share their opinions and experiences. Single women say they want to hear the male perspective.