Single men’s advice to single women
By Tom P Blake Finding Love After 50
Most single men and women over 50 have experienced the frustrations and realities of dating after divorce or the loss of a spouse. Recently, in response to various newsletters and newspaper columns, single men have responded with advice for single women:
Here are nine items men have recently shared.
1. Meeting men is difficult if women are glued to the couch. By getting out among people, women dramatically increase their chances of meeting a guy
2. Pursuing activities and interests one enjoys is more important than going out solely to meet a mate. People usually meet the person of their dreams when they aren’t looking, not when they are. Go out with friends, have fun, stop looking too hard, which will take the pressure you put on yourself.
3. Singles may need to look beyond where they live to meet someone. The Internet, with hundreds of date-matching sites, provides that opportunity. But it’s a high-risk, high-potential-return place to play the singles game. When dealing with strangers--and not just on the Internet—women especially must be cautious because mixed in with the honorable men are others with evil intentions
4. Men say it’s acceptable to them if women are more dating assertive: asking men out on dates, planning and even paying for certain dates. Some women hand out “name cards,” which make it easier for men to contact them. Cards shouldn’t reveal a woman’s phone number or where she lives or works. The cards might only contain an untraceable e-mail address from a free site.
5. Women need to be approachable to increase their chances of meeting men. The common thread of approachability is friendliness. A warm smile might convince a shy guy to say hello.
6. Singles of both sexes need to have “realistic expectations.” Finding someone who has values and standards that match yours is more important than how someone looks.
7. Men advise women to avoid seeking younger men (this is not a misprint). It’s better for singles to date someone who thinks as young as they think and has shared values. That could be an older man as well.
8. Singles want honesty. Dishonest singles who misrepresent themselves—on the Internet and elsewhere—waste everybody’s time. Being honest up front leads to more productive pursuits
9. Men say that group events and reunions are better places for women to meet potential mates than at singles functions, where the ratio of single women to single men can be to one or even more. Parties where invited guests are half women and half men level the odds
READER COMMENTS AND TOM’S RESPONSES:
Mary, San Clemente: “Re: your column on commingling funds. Separate funds allow both parties to maintain control. Response: Most readers felt keeping funds separate in second and third marriages is wisest.
Mary, Huntington Beach: “How can you prevent commingling in a community property state?” The wisest thing is to consult a good family law lawyer before marrying and maybe not marry at all.