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Attitude important even on New Year's Eve

By Tom P Blake Finding Love After 50

The origin of today’s newsletter began with a woman’s question: “What do you recommend doing for New Years Eve if you are a single living in Laguna Niguel?” The question was asked in a previous year in early December. I get the same question or a similar one every year.

The reason I am including this article in September, 2016, is it illustrates the importance of attitude in senior dating. To be successful in dating and in life, senior singles need positive attitudes.

Note from Tom: Laguna Niguel is in south Orange County, Ca., a city adjacent to where I live. The woman who asked the question is not one of our Champs.

I’m a busy guy, but I answer every question I receive from singles, even when the people provide little information about themselves including their age and what their dating interests are. And since she didn’t indicate either—she could have been 80 or 50, or into men or not into men—I sent her the best answer I could based on what little information she provided. I thought she would appreciate that I took the time to answer her, and that I did so immediately.

Let me say this in 2016 about my Champs, the subscribers to the newsletter, they almost always thank me for what I do and for answering them personally. I appreciate that they do that.

I responded to her: “I’m not sure what your interests are but plan now to do something, waiting until the last minute is discouraging. Do you have a friend, woman friend, or group of friends who can get together? Perhaps take in a movie or a show of some type. Or, go to bed early, and get up early, and drive to Pasadena and attend the Rose Parade. If you go toward the end of the Parade route, you can watch for free. Take a lawn chair and blanket and dress warmly. See if a friend will do that with you.”

I thought that was a decent response. Apparently she didn’t. She wrote back, with only these brief words: “And he gives advice to singles???!”

Normally, I would just ignore comments like hers; there are negative people with poor attitudes out there in the world of singles. If someone wants to be rude hiding behind the curtain of email, that’s no big deal to me. Over the 23 years of writing columns, I’ve encountered a few rude people, but not many. I find the rude ones are usually angry about something else in their lives, having zip to do with me.

Most folks who contact me are pleasant and appreciative; their positive attitudes show through in the way they communicate with people, whether it’s in person or via email.

One of the personality traits I stress with singles is the importance of having a positive attitude in life and particularly in dating. Men don’t want to be around a sour woman, and women don’t want to be around a sour man.

I’m not sure what she expected from me, perhaps a detailed itinerary of a suggested New Year’s Eve outing for her, or a list of 10 bars that have the nicest bar stools or choices where singles should go on that night. Our correspondence never got that far.

Now, contrast her attitude with Barbara’s attitude. Barbara wrote: “I am 65, have been single over 30 years, pretty much by choice. Re: New Year’s Eve, I enjoy my own company. I savor it as a time to look back over the year and contemplate my plans for the new one. It’s not that I don’t have the opportunity or the invitations to parties or family gatherings. I just like that time to nurture myself; it sets the tone for the New Year. People have to like themselves, enjoy their own company and have more on their minds then who they might be kissing at midnight.”

Sara wrote that some women are bitter or angry toward men who left them through death or divorce. She says, “Get over it folks, life is too short. Stop complaining and bitching about everything and everyone and enjoy. The same applies to men.”

If you don’t have a date for New Year’s Eve, don’t sweat it or make a big deal out of it. It’s just another night, “amateur night” as Judy my bank teller says. Grab a friend and have a nice evening—in or out—doing whatever you want. Be creative.

But please remember to say “Happy New Year” and “Thank you” to your waiter or waitress, bartender, ticket taker, taxi driver, Uber or Lyft driver, or whomever you come in contact with. After all, they are trying to do something nice for you on a night when they’d likely prefer being out having fun themselves.

Enjoy the holiday season, it’s a time to be happy— and positive.

Attitude is important in senior dating.

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