Men have trouble meeting women

By Tom P Blake

It's usually women who comment that finding a compatible partner at middle age is difficult. But, many men also feel that finding a compatible mate is also difficult.

Lately, middle-age men have echoed similar statements, particularly after my last column, in which I wrote that singles functions are difficult places for women to meet men (because the ratios can be so out of kilter, as much as 10-to-1, women to men).

Martin e-mailed: "I'm a 55-year-old single. Men read in your columns that we can meet women anywhere, but I find that reunions, weddings, grocery stores, laundromats, classes, bookstores and church are hit or miss. Even Internet profiles don't work because the lady you see probably isn't the lady you get.

"Although I have been involuntarily single for too long, I still believe somewhere out there is my lady. And I look forward to the day I find her. Until then, I will keep looking. I've tried many of the things you recommended and many of them don't work."

Martin says he has joined a dating service to aid in his search. I told Martin that finding a compatible mate at our age is a numbers game. Singles need to keep getting out and meeting new people. While many places may not yield a mate, it only takes one.

He needs to stop being so negative. If a single, 55-year-old male can’t find nice available single women in all of those places he has described, he should probably evaluate himself to find out what he might be doing wrong.

A plus for Martin: He believes he'll find a partner. Perhaps he’s looking too hard.

Al, 54, wants to know: "How does an average-looking guy like me compete? Where are the average women?

"In every group I join, there are always five to 10 (sometimes more) men to women. Even at church, there are more older men than older women. I don't care what women do, they can wait tables, cashier, etc. I just want to find a nice, gentle, intelligent, plain-looking woman to spend my life with. Where are they? Help me please."

Perhaps Al should join a sewing or knitting club. He’s find a much better ratio.

Richard, 51, says he's in great shape, works out regularly, is nice looking, a good dresser, educated and owns a home.

He says he has a tough time meeting women because he's an engineer and works only with men.

"All I meet are women who've been married twice and molly-coddle their age 23 to age 30 kids at home and who have a number of women friends with whom they shop at Nordstrom each week. Men are not in their mainstream."

I suggested Richard expand his search to places where he'll meet women who aren't shopping at expensive stores. Where?

That's up to him; he needs some outside-of-work interests where he'll meet single women.

And it's not just Orange County men who find meeting single women difficult. Mike of Massachusetts, e-mailed:

"In your Jan. 24 column, RE: Suzy’s comment (few 55+ men @ church). Would she like to switch places with me? In my church, I can't find single women in my age group. They all seem to be a bit older. Like Social Security-collecting older."

Bill, Florida, said, "I've never married, have no children, and can put a woman first. I'm looking for a woman who will do the same. I've been in relationships where the kids come first, the job second and the relationship third. When one slips down the priority list, it's time to say adios."

Zack, Dana Point had this advice for men looking for partners. "We have to get ourselves together before we subject ourselves to another person. With inner strength, we learn patience, understanding and consideration of others. It took me a long time and two marriages to come to grips with working on myself."

Zack’s advice panned out for him, "I'm engaged to a wonderful woman," he said.

In seeking compatible mates, the same guidelines apply to men as to women.

But the men featured in today’s article seem to whiners to me. They need to get out and join in new activities, make new friends, and exhibit a positive attitude.

Singles need to be out with people and enjoying the pursuit of life. Along the way, perhaps they'll meet somebody, perhaps not. But, their chances will be far greater than just sitting at home and complaining.

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