Men and women divided in opinions
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
Last week we featured Andrea, the spirited, spiritual coach from Atlanta. I referred to her as a breath of fresh air. Many women found a bit of themselves in Andrea. But the men who responded took issue with some of her comments. It's that senior version of Mars and Venus phenomenon at work again. Let's look at the differences.
What the women said
Rose, "As I read Andrea's description of herself and her dating life, I was struck by how similar we are. I will be 60 in January but I look 10 years younger. I have always looked and acted younger than my age. Good genes.
"A friend told me that being intelligent, attractive, confident, financially secure, inquisitive, and independent are intimidating to men. They prefer someone more of a mess and dependent that they can take care of or rescue. I don't need the drama. Like Andrea, I like my own company and am happy. If I find someone, it will be a bonus."
Sonya, "I go to Church and do all the right things, however here in California there are no GOOD Men, so I find that looking for them or wishing upon a star is a waste of my time. So there is my opinion on all of these events about some women in the south looking, they should be happy to find a man there because the ones in California are a lot worst."
I wrote, "Ah come on, Sonya, you don't really mean that. One has to question someone who says there are no GOOD men in California. She needs to look into a mirror, and therein, she will see her problem."
Her reply, "My personal experiences here in CA are un real and I am an educated person so I am really not holding my breath anymore just concentrating in my own career. I know other women are doing ok, pretty ones get tricked all the time."
Marie, "Yes, Yes, Yes. Andrea's story is my story as well--including having lived in the south, was raised in the north, but lived in California. Men, in 50s want to control, when support, encouragement, humor and more are needed--some do become boring! Few are into yoga, swimming, juicing for health and spirituality...on and on...all she said is 'Right-On'!
"What do we do? Loneliness leads to early death but we will not settle either when we have intelligence and experience and want to be appreciated."
What the men said
Wayne, "Andrea sounds like she has a little princess in her hot-blooded genes: spiritual coach who wants a young stud who makes lots of money and wants a guy to pick up the tab. I don't think guys are likely intimidated by her, merely turned off by her view of relationships. I wonder what she really brings to the party."
Matt, "I'm always leery of women who want a man who makes a lot of money."
Lloyd, "Sorry I don't live in Atlanta. I would love to see Andrea and who can keep up with whom. Pass this on to her so if she ever finds herself in Houston to give me a shout and we can get together and terrorize the town.
"A large number of individuals in the 50 + crowd are moving at a slower pace. Nothing wrong with this and it not a criticism. It's hard for those of us who still enjoy a high-energy level to find individuals who are able to 'keep up with us' so to speak. I found myself having to hold back on a few dates as not to scare them. Since then I have learned to tone myself down depending on how well I can read the other person. Andrea, bring it on!"
Lester, "Andrea turned me off in first paragraph with: "must have large income looking for free ride. I am 75 and can keep up with her any day."
Doug, "With the male ego what it is, your average geezer - especially the fit, active ones - isn't inclined to dwell on the gulf that separates him from the relatively younger, tight-bottomed objects of his affections and dreams. Andrea's perspective went down quite well, thank you, and hopefully will serve to soothe my expectations in the months to come, even as I continue my search for a 70-yr-old Andrea."
Andrew, "Interesting post from Andrea, who sees herself as a fascinating individual (and not exactly modest!), yet at the same time spouts a load of negative generalizations about men. Someone who talks about being very youthful and health-orientated 'even at 55' and wonders about the sexual function in men over 55 should be introduced to Ramjit Raghav, the Indian gentleman in the news last week who fathered his second son in two years at the age of 96, to his wife of 54, both apparently enjoying sex three times a night.
"I'm sure she is correct about many 50+ men being controlling or insecure. But, "How about a 50+ woman who insists on someone younger, spiritual, hyperactive, with no annoying habits and, who pays all the bills. Who did she say was cheap and not a giver? If she wants to be traditional, aka old-fashioned, she should accept the whole 1950s package from which today's women are mercifully free."