Meeting quality men is biggest dating challenge for midlife single women
By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50
Single women age 50+ say the biggest dating challenge they face is meeting quality men.
Stephanie e-mailed, "I am a 50-year-old single woman living in Costa Mesa. I've been divorced for 10 years, am in great shape, very young for my age, a successful entrepreneur and have a super-hard time meeting quality men.
"I love my life but would truly enjoy meeting a top-quality Mr. Right instead of just a Mr. Right Now." Stephanie isn't alone, the biggest dating challenge for nearly all midlife single women is meeting quality men.
Tania, divorced for nine years, had some dating challenges advice for women with children: "Make sure your children are very well taken care of and you're secure with health benefits, get a good education, and have money in the bank."
Sandy, said, "I'm retired from the fire department, divorced for seven years, and have been a private investigator for the past 10 years. All singles should ask, request and verify what a person is really like. Those with large savings and incomes should be extra careful. Glitter usually sets off an alarm.
"Background checks are a necessity for anyone going beyond the initial steps of dating. I tell people not to let the heart run over the brain."
Karen, was married for 10 years and has been divorced for eight. Karen e-mailed, "I think I speak for most single women when I say the biggest dating challenge for us: meeting quality men.
"There are plenty of places to meet men in Southern California; it's finding that gem who is witty, honest, loyal and committed that's the tough part."
Karen advised, "Put yourself out there! A lot of my family and married friends say, 'You're trying too hard.' I don't buy it; dating is a numbers game. Besides, it gets you out of the house and you may meet some great friends along the way."
Terri has never been married. "I'm in my early 50s and have been spending a lot of time holding the hands of friends that are going through divorces. Almost seems like an epidemic right now.
"I've tried all the traditional avenues for meeting people – church, friends, sporting events and volunteering. I've changed my outlook, and, although it hasn't made finding a date any easier, it has made not having one much easier to live with."
Judy, e-mailed, "You want to talk dating challenge? I wrote the book. I have been separated for 10 years. I had no insurance, no job and no money saved. Every day is a challenge for me because I was always so independent. But for every door that closes, one opens."
Allison, 49, has been married twice and single for eight years. Allison wrote, "I'm pretty content with my life and feel truly blessed. I have girlfriends who always seem to be going through drama and trauma in their relationships. Being in a caring relationship means two people wanting to enhance each other’s lives."
Sharing her advice for midlife single women, Victoria, said, "Don't go to the same places time after time. Take the chance and try new things and new people. Be open-minded. Meeting quality men? Well, that's the biggest dating challenge."
Sherry, 56, said, "The biggest dating challenge older singles face is loneliness and financial worry. I've tried the Internet for two years and have met about 35 men in person. They're all struggling financially, have been married more than once, and most are still supporting kids. Meeting quality men--that's like looking for the gray pebble in the sand.
"Since the decline of the economy, the white-collar, executive-type male has seen a decline in the job market. Most of them are looking for a M&M – Mom and a Meal Ticket. I've haven't met a single man that has had anything to offer me. It's very discouraging. Thus, the loneliness."
Two women summed up the dating challenge singles face.
Carol, Rancho Santa Margarita, advised singles not to "take things personally. Look for red flags immediately and trust your gut feeling. If there isn't a future, and a friendship can't happen, move on. Being single is better than being with someone you don't like."
And Patti, San Clemente, e-mailed, "If you're new to being single and are seeking companionship, get out and meet people. However, if you've tried that (as I have done) and it was unsatisfactory, then do some introspection.
"Identify what is truly important in your life, what your values and goals are. Do the things that matter to you. Even if you don't meet the life partner you want, you will have a fulfilling and satisfying life."
Meeting quality men is difficult but not impossible.
Jim, Lake Forest: "Your article on Dottie Walters brought back many fond memories for me. I began reading your column about a year after my late wife died to re-acclimate myself on entering the dating scene. Your articles must have been beneficial. I married a wonderful lady in. You are doing a great service. I still read your columns though I'm happily married."