Louise found love in Texas. She was looking for an Asian man. Instead she found a non-Asian man who shares common values and lifestyles
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
Four years ago, I was contacted by Louise in Texas who requested a one-hour personal consultation with me over the telephone. Because Louise had been burnt by "two scoundrels," she was having trouble trusting men. She is a bright, down-to-earth person who teaches and does research at the University level. At her position in the university ranks, she wasn't meeting any men of her culture. She is of Asian decent and was looking for an Asian man.
I told her to be patient, that someone would come along and suggested ways for her to expand her reach by socializing and networking more, including subscribing to this newsletter for ideas, which she did.
As I do with most of the people I've consulted with, I try to stay in touch. Not often, but I like to know how they are doing in their lives. This week I emailed Louise. She responded with an update.
Now 53, Louise met Richard two and a half years ago. He will be 61 next week.
Louise said, "Richard is not an Asian, but he was stationed in a couple of Asian countries for eight years while he was in the Air Force. He went outside of US military posts and learned about local Asian languages and culture. He is fluent in Thai and understands and speaks some Japanese. That is why I feel so comfortable with Richard because he is quite Asianized. We met through a mutual acquaintance who knew that Richard and I would be compatible because of Richard's Asian history."
We are very comfortable with our relationship the way it is. I am not into marrying (been there, done that) and my crazy work hours would not be good for married life. Richard says he is satisfied with being able to spend time with me.
Louise says the most important element in any relationship is trust, and she trusts Richard: "I would not go out with any guy who is constantly on the lookout for a greener pasture or doing double-or triple-dipping. I am quite comfortable with who I am and am not afraid of being alone."
Louise added, "As a single parent, I have raised a fine young man. He is graduating from a med school in May and he and I have a wonderful relationship. My ex-husband was a serial womanizer, and Richard's ex-wife was not a faithful kind. So, that history of ours helps us see the importance of trust in our relationship.
Are Louise and Richard a perfect fit? Not in every aspect, their beliefs differ in some cases.
"He is such a gentleman, and I have lots of respect for him despite our differences in some political and social issues. I have learned to tolerate his conservative stance on some issues, but we still engage in discussing the issues. He tells me that he has learned from our discussions many facts that he had not known before. He is totally with me on gay marriage (we are all for it!) and other social issues."
Note from Tom: Couples don't have to agree politically. Look at Governor Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver. He endorsed John McCain; she endorsed Barack Obama.
Louise continued, "My son likes Richard a lot, saying that he is an honest guy with lots of integrity, and Richard's son likes me.
"We have common values and lifestyles-no tolerance for debt; hard-working; clean body and environmental hygiene, and food preference. I have received at least 20 times more cards and flowers and little but caring gifts from Richard than I had ever received in my 20 years of marriage plus the two years of dating another guy.
"Your newsletters are very helpful and informative, and I think you are doing great service for all of us readers/subscribers with your insights and advice. (You see, I have no problem being called a subscriber.)"
It's nice to hear about positive relationships from within our group.