Know your qualities in a mate
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
Today’s story is a reminder of the importance of knowing your qualities in a mate that are important to you when seeking love.
Bev said, "A little over two years ago I got ‘dumped’ by the first boyfriend I had had in 13 years. I did everything wrong, as if no time had passed between my series of bad relationships in my twenties and thirties and when I dated him."
Bev continued: "I worshiped him, something I had promised myself I was NOT going to do ever again when I was 38 and freshly out of a relationship breakup.
"But here I was hanging on every word, waiting for him to call, and being hurt because I was just not nearly as important to him as he was to me! It was hell. At the end, I just could not take being treated like a petulant child anymore and suggested we end it. So I guess it was really a mutual parting of the ways."
Bev says she came upon one of my columns about Internet dating. "I ordered Tom's book, Finding Love After 50. “How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do” and read it in one day cover-to-cover. (See link to his website below).
"In the book, Tom talks about the importance of knowing the qualities in a mate that are important to you. I started thinking about how I was always putting my feelings on the back burner in favor of the man in all of my relationships. So the first thing I did was to list all of the things I hated about being in a relationship. Then I listed all the good things. I took out a pen and piece of paper to write down the qualities in a mate essential for me. From those two lists, I made a third. The third list was what I really needed and wanted from a relationship. I wrote down the qualities in a mate that are important to me. The list was short but powerful.
"No more laundry list about the 'perfect guy,' I was free to consider ANY man as a possibility! I felt so free and empowered! I joined Tom's mailing list of Finding Love After 50 newsletters. Then I joined several Internet dating sites and started the fun process of finding someone. Fun, because I approached it as an adventure. Everyone is valuable in my eyes. This time I remembered to value myself too.
"In a six-week period I must have met 30 men for coffee! Funny thing is, I came back to the first man I had met! We celebrated our second year anniversary on Memorial Day this year. This man has turned out to be the love of my life. I never thought I would say that at the age of 53! Thanks Tom for being an important part of this process that brought me to my love!"
I appreciate Bev's compliments but she's the one who changed her life and found happiness. Thanks to her for having the fortitude to tackle her situation and for sharing it with all of us. Simply knowing the important qualities one seeks in a mate is the first thing to do in your adventure of looking for love in all of the right people for you.