In senior dating, is lying about age important? Age-honesty in senior dating.
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
Last week's column about Herb, the 51-year-old who told the lawyer he was dating he was 50-which was a lie by one month and put her in criminal trial mode by grilling him-has generated this week's topic: "How important is age-honesty in senior dating after 50?"
In effect, you as a group, with your sage and witty responses, have written this column. Thanks for your ongoing participation. Together, we are trying to make sense out of being single, a situation few of us thought we'd ever be in.
Joe was quick to comment: "Herb just ran into one of many 'head cases' out there in the singles world. Getting involved with a person like the lawyer is like walking in a mine field, eventually something happens and the person detonates.
"The good news, at 51, Herb should have no trouble finding many more 'head cases' to date, and, as I've concluded, as long as the dating is fun and the sex good, you are ahead of the game."
S emailed, "I don't know why Herb is so upset about this woman, who is obviously troubled and possibly paranoid. He should thank his lucky stars he is rid of her. If they ever married, his life would be hell on earth."
Jeanne #1 wrote, "I can't imagine getting that upset over 'ONE MONTH!' Most 'Internet age-lies' involve even DECADES. He's better off without her."
Peggy felt Herb's dishonesty wasn't the issue. "She was looking for an excuse to break-up! Why is a number so important? It's usually the men who have to deal with the age-lying problem. I've been told to lie about my age when I sign up for an online service.
"I don't look, act or dress my age-61. But it's amazing how many men, even those much older than me, don't want anything to do with a 61-year-old woman. I can run circles around guys my age and older-a few younger ones too."
Jeanne #2 said, "Lying about your age is not a big deal and she over-reacted due to a bigger problem, or she just wasn't that into him in the first place."
E defended stretching one's age: "Lying about my age was a defensive move. At the urging of a younger male friend who doesn't care about my age, I published my real age on dating.com. You can't imagine how humiliating it is to get responses from much older, sedentary, uneducated men who think that being an older woman (65) means I'm on a dating website out of desperation. They wanted a woman who is 'experienced sexually.' It's disgusting."
"Lying about your age by one year is not a serious mistake. When I was registered with Match.com, I met guys who took 10 years off their age. That was too much," said Jennifer.
Larry said, "What in the hell does one year matter? He is lucky to disassociate himself from this extreme woman."
SS was direct: "She's a nut case. The same thing happened to me with a man I met online. He called me a liar and tried to make me feel inferior because I listed my age as 53 instead of 55. He was a 'wacko' who preys on 'nice women.' Herb should be glad she won't see him again."
Joan thinks they were both dysfunctional: "That woman has a screw loose. He has a screw loose also, for actually showing her his wallet, and after only one week.
Peggy said, "Herb got a lucky break with the one who got away. She has trust issues and needs a shrink."
A few people, including Sarah, raised this question: "Why would he want to be with a woman who intimidates him to the point he is fearful?"
Mason agreed. "Why would you want a woman who was constantly suspicious of you every time you had a legitimate business meeting or just wanted to go out with your buddies for a drink?"
One of our members dated a widower who said he was 59. He slipped about his age a few times so when she had a chance to sneak a peek at his driver's license she did and found he was 64. They no longer speak, but she's going to send him a "Happy 65th" birthday card.
Mary said, "Age 51 isn't bad; just wait until it's 61 or 65."
One of our members living in Washington State, took a different view, "Only his first lie was accidental. The others were deliberate and show his inclination to not be a truth-telling person. His explanation falls short of being believable. Honesty is the best policy and if a mistake is made, the mistake should be corrected immediately."
-More than 90 percent of our readers feel that stretching one's age by 2-3 years is no big deal. Age-honesty in senior dating isn’t critical. Most everyone stretches the truth a little
-Women feel they need to do so just to have a chance in Internet dating
-Most of you felt the woman was controlling, extreme and Herb was lucky to get away from her. Plus, she used the lying about age issue as an excuse to breakup (after a romp in the sack)
-To a lesser extent, some felt Herb was a wimp also. He shouldn't have produced his wallet for her
-In age 50-plus dating, age should be less important than other more significant factors