top of page

Finding Love After 50 - Shun Mode

By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50

For older singles, finding a suitable mate is difficult. When someone desirable comes along, it's natural to want to be with him or her. But what should a senior single do if the response to you is only lukewarm?

Jeff said: "I've been out with a woman four times who lives an hour away. Each time we've had lots of fun. However, when I ask her to get together again, she says she'll have to check her calendar and she's usually available in about two weeks.

"I've told her that it doesn't have to be an event for me to travel an hour each way to see her. I know women need time and patience but it will be hard for us to find out much about each other if it's only every two weeks."

When the woman said no to a date during the Memorial Day weekend, Jeff asked if she wanted to see him again, or if she was gently trying to let him go.

"She said she likes being with me but she needs alone time in between her other plans. If you like someone you make time. Should I move on or wait it out?" Jeff asked.

"Do neither," I answered. "She has reasons that are important enough to her to not free up more time for you, at least not yet. And, of course, one of the reasons could be another man. Or perhaps she simply wants to go slow with you. She's independent and treasures her alone time, and is honest, desirable qualities to have.

Jeff shouldn't "move on" yet. He gave her the window of opportunity to dump him and she didn't. So, there could be hope for a relationship, but he's got to handle the situation properly.

And yet, Jeff shouldn't "wait it out" either. The woman knows he cares about her; he doesn't have to tell her that again. But why drive two hours to see a woman who has him so low on the priority list?

I hate romance-related games among older singles. But sometimes they are needed. In Jeff's case, I suggest he implement the senior dating strategy Shun Mode, a dating strategy used by teens and young adults.

He needs to be less available to her. He should stop calling. One of two things will happen. Either, she'll notice that Jeff has lost interest and if he matters to her, she'll call and suggest they get together. He can't lose if that happens. Perhaps, she'll even offer to drive to see him.

Or, she won't care that he's faded away. He won't hear from her. If that's the case, he'll understand she is not the woman for him, that pursuing her is pointless. She just wasn’t that into him. Again he wins, he'll be unshackled to find somebody else.

Under the Shun Mode senior dating tactic, if Jeff hasn't heard from her in three weeks, he can phone for a friendly chat, and see what she says. If she shows interest, he can ask her out again. If she doesn't, it underscores what he already suspected about her feelings toward him.

I don't like games for singles age 50-plus. But, sometimes they have to be played. We've got such little time to waste. Keep the shun mode senior dating tactic in your back pocket, you might need to use it sometime.

bottom of page