Does Your Senior Partner Share Expenses

Tom P Blake

Katie is a bright, intelligent and attractive woman. She's a published writer; I've seen her articles. Katie responded to my recent column about couples sharing expenses.

"I've been paying more than half of EVERYTHING (and always have) with my current dating partner of several months and he still complains -- vacations, meals, etc. He NEVER offers to pay for daughter-in-law, not even on a special occasion, not even a birthday gift. He and I live about an hour apart and I do more than half of the driving. I know, I know, the problem is me and my choice."

I said to Katie, "I can't imagine a fine woman such as yourself doing more than your share of driving to a man's house or having to pay more than half of the expenses."

She replied, "Some of us get so caught up in the things we 'think' we have in common with someone that we justify going way out of our way to 'do our fair share.' Many women, me included, have a tendency to plan, pay, drive, help, share and repair relationships; some people take advantage of that. Many men must feel that way too."

Katie added that she's a high energy person and supercharges that energy and passion into relationships. "When one is a positive person, he or she will overlook some negative points and only see 'the good in someone.'

"Many are so excited about the initial attraction, sizzle, chemistry, things in common, so glad they finally met someone, they overlook obvious possible problems."

Katie says she's learned to ask herself, "What could possibly be wrong in this new/next situation? Being a little negative at the beginning of a relationship may prevent future problems.

Katie's comments raise valuable considerations for singles who meet someone.

Don't let loneliness cloud your judgment. Don't be so happy that someone has finally entered your life that you compromise your principles.

Don't let initial chemistry be the only or dominant reason why you get involved. When that wears off -- and it will -- what else does your new mate bring to the table? Is he kind? Does he treat you with respect? Does he share expenses, caring and the workload?

Don't get involved when you know it's wrong for you or throw caution to the wind, thinking, “Gee, at my age, what have I got to lose?”

When beginning a relationship, do so cautiously. When we open our hearts, there's always risk. Some people haven't dated in 30 years, but that's no excuse to be gullible or naïve. Keep one foot on the ground while floating on cloud nine. Relationships require give and take of both people. If you let things get too out of balance at the start, it's hard to change later.

Be willing to share expenses. But don’t pay more than your fair share.

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