Do Successful Senior Women Intimidate Men? Do Successful Senior Women Turn off men? They might do both, it depends on the women
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
Recently, I wrote a column addressing a question that Joan, a single woman, asked: “Are men—even successful men—intimidated by successful women? Joan says it has happened to her numerous times; she feels it’s because she’s a partner in a company and drives a Jaguar X-type car.
Joan said, “It upsets me that I have to pretend to be someone I’m not to protect the male ego. I have even borrowed my daughter’s car to go on first and second dates and felt I had to lie about my job and the fact that I own my home. What is this with men?”
Recently, she met a man at a restaurant after corresponding with him online. “We got along well, talked easily and laughed a lot. There were indications he liked me and wanted to see me again. He mentioned places he wanted to take me. I liked him and found him attractive.
“He asked about my job. I said I was in sales, but at one point (accidentally...as I try to avoid this) mentioned ‘my partner’ instead of saying ‘colleague.’ He immediately picked up on the fact that I am a partner in my company, and I sensed a change.”
And when he saw her Jaguar, Joan said: “He asked, 'Is that your car? Right then I knew he was intimidated and his ego wouldn't allow him to see me again."
The next day he emailed, thanked Joan for “a very enjoyable evening,” saying she was intelligent, interesting, attractive and sexy. And wished her good luck.
Another woman wrote: "As a successful, self-made millionaire, it’s very difficult to find a man who isn’t intimidated by a woman’s success. Either the wealthy become competitive or the middle-to-lower income look for a free ride. I have found very few strong men with the 'cahoonas' to step up to the plate who can have a healthy relationship.”
Three men shared their thoughts. Blake (not this Blake) emailed, “Successful woman don’t intimidate me. I find a financially stable businesswoman very appealing. My last relationship was with a mother of three and every day our relationship was filled with financial worries of today and tomorrow. A successful woman means I won’t have to deal with the drama of unpaid bills, and the fear that goes along with that pressure.
“There is a downside to successful women and that is they often don’t have the time needed to develop a relationship. A happy medium would be great: A woman who can take care of herself financially and one who has time for me and us. I don’t want anything from a woman other than her affection, trust and love.”
Larry wrote, “I’m not intimidated by anyone. It might be that women who have focused on business success do not have the kindness and softness most men long for. Most of us do not find it objectionable that we would not have to support a woman financially again.”
Chris, 72, said: “I dance on cruise ships. I have dated women and know women socially who are successful. The problem I find is they don't know how to stop being a boss and just being the lady you are dating.
“They can't stop telling you how to do everything. If I'm driving, don't tell me how to drive. If I'm painting a room, don't tell me how to paint it. If I'm cooking, don't tell me how to cook. I don't care if you can do everything I can do, it bothers me when you think you can do it better. Why do women always feel they have to show you how smart they are?”
If successful women feel they intimidate men, perhaps they should ponder what the three men said. Allow time away from a busy schedule for a relationship. Be warm, kind, affectionate, and forget the boss-mentality. No one likes to be told what to do.
These same principles can be used by married couples to ensure they are making their marriages as special as possible.
Do successful women intimidate men? Some do; some don’t. If they are aware of what makes for a great relationship, they won’t. If they want to be boss lady, perhaps they will. And, it depends on the self-confidence of the man. Many admire a successful woman.