10 Senior Dating red flags

By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50

Janice, 58, has a new man in her life. They met online and seem to be well-matched. She said, “He’s everything I ever wanted—looks, physical condition, sense of humor, financial stability, considerate--but, I’m concerned about information he has and has not revealed.

“He says his job is top secret and he can’t talk about it until later. Are there senior dating red flags to look for that might indicate he isn't who he says he is?”

To answer Janice, I referred to a list of senior dating red-flag signals from my book, Finding Love After 50. How To Begin. Where To Go. What To Do, and added some new ones to the list. Here is a list of 10 senior dating red flags to watch out for.

10 SENIOR DATING RED FLAGS

1. Lack of information. You don’t know where he works or lives. You’ve never met his family or friends and he doesn’t talk about them. You don’t even know if he has children. He reveals little about his past or present.

2. Too much information. He gives too much detail about a topic that doesn’t require it. For example, you ask, “Are you married?” Instead of replying with a simple “No,” he answers with a long-winded explanation of why his marriage didn’t work out, but he never says “no” he’s not married.

3. Not reachable or available by normal means. He’s not available on week-ends or each week on certain nights. He can only be reached by leaving a message on his cell phone, which he seldom answers. He calls you back later.

4. He’s secretive and evasive with his answers. He answers personal questions by asking personal questions, tossing the ball back into your court.

5. Contradicts himself. You catch him in a lie or there are inconsistencies in what he says. For example, he says he couldn’t attend a party with you because he had to work late, but later says he had the 24-hour flu.

6. Suspicious behavior. He’s shifty and avoids eye contact by looking away. Personal questions about his life seem to catch him off guard and make him nervous. He wants to meet in remote places or in dark restaurants in a dark booth. He always pays by cash, never by credit card. You’ve never seen his driver’s license or a photo I.D., even from a distance.

7. Makes false or grandiose promises. When it comes to delivering on promises, the action is postponed. He makes excuses and is quick to change the subject. Something is always about to happen. He’s awaiting a settlement, or a job offer, or a divorce. He makes promises like, “I’ll be coming to visit you soon. We’ll be together as a happy couple.” And then he doesn’t show. Then there’s another excuse. The routine repeats itself.

8. He’s in a hurry. He wants to move the relationship along too fast. He wants sex too soon. He talks about moving in or marriage in the early going. He calls you at the last minute and wants you to drop everything.

9. He's insincere. A little too slick. He could sell coast-front property in California for pennies on the dollar.

10. He asks inappropriate questions like this woman's experience. "Today I started corresponding with a man on the Internet. After several emails, with him pushing to meet me tonight, tomorrow, or Sunday, he asked me what kind of underwear I wear and do I match my lingerie." Get rid of him.

The most important thing for Janice, and for any of us who sense things aren’t what they seem to be, is to trust your instincts. You find something isn't right but you can't put your finger on it. The over-50, 60 and 70 dating world is full of scammers and flakes. We always need to be on guard. Watch for senior dating red flag signals and senior dating red flags.

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Dana Point, CA

tompblake@gmail.com

Tel: 949-412-4261

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