Where is a good place to meet men in their 60s?
By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50
In the 18 years I've been writing about finding love after 50, I've been asked "Where are the single men?" an estimated 400 times or more. And that's a conservative number.
Often, the women who ask this question provide no information about themselves other than maybe their city and state. It's difficult to answer them without knowing more about what they do to socialize, whether they are widowed or divorced, or how long they've been single. They just want the magic answer to where they can meet men.
This week was no exception. Marci wrote, "I live in the city of Orange, California, where is a good place to meet men in their 60s?"
From time to time, I write a column addressing the question--at the risk of boring some of our Champs who have read similar columns previously--because there are a lot of new readers each week to this newsletter.
Here is my answer to Marci:
"You ask a good question, but a difficult one to answer. Even though I live in San Clemente, 25 miles (in 2016, now Dana Point) from you, I am not familiar with singles activities in the city of Orange or its surrounding cities. My answer applies to women age 50+ across the USA and in foreign countries as well, who are similarly curious about where to go to meet single men.
"A woman this week wrote and asked if I could have a singles Meet and Greet--similar to the one I have in my Dana Point, California, deli once a month--in New York City. She thought it would help her meet single men there. I told her that would be a little difficult, unless the Today Show or Good Morning America invites me back to be on their show.
"Here's my answer, Marci, to your question in a nutshell: There aren'tspecific places where men in their 60s hangout, hoping to meet single women somewhat close to their age. Places like that simply don't exist--in San Clemente, Orange, New York City, or Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania (where one of our Champs resides).
"However, good places to meet men in their 60s are anywhere and everywhere. You might see a man while waiting to have your car serviced. You might meet one in a store, or at a concert, or at a dance, a deli, in the produce section, or while pumping your gas at Costco. You just never know.
"But men who frequent those places usually aren't there to meet women. So, they might see you, think you're attractive, but they probably wouldn't say anything. So, you might have to say something to them. You may have to take the initiative to open a conversation if you judge that he might be single and might be interested in meeting you. The ball often is in the woman's court. She has to step up and hit it, or there will be no game. Whether older women like it or not, they must be assertive (not aggressive-there is a difference) when it comes to meeting men.
"For women to improve their chances of meeting men aged 50-90, they need to be out of the house and pursuing activities they enjoy, which will help them meet new people. The more they are out, the better their chances.
"If you think age 80 or 90 is a stretch, that there are no available men in that category, guess again. My friend Dave is 92, a recent widower, and he meets so many women he doesn't know what to do. In fact, there are lots of widowers out there who are lonely and would like to have a companion. Some of them, of course, can be found at widow and widower's clubs. Others, just go places to get out of the house.
"What else can women do to improve their chances of meeting men, beyond just sitting at their computer terminal and sending me a quickie question?
"They need to take care of themselves, keep their appearances attractive and their attitudes positive. Enough said on that.
"Also, women need to network. They should tell all of their friends, family members, co-workers, you name it, that if they know of a man in his 60s who is single and would be a nice partner, you'd like to be introduced. A word of caution: Don't overwork this aspect. By constantly reminding your contacts that you want to be introduced, you cross over the line of seeking a nice companion to appearing desperate for any companion. Don't do that.
"And then there's Internet dating. I personally think it's a tough way to meet people, but it does bring people together from all over the world at the touch of a keyboard. The problem: Internet dating for women in their 60s is challenging. The web is rife with people who lie, cheat, want your money but not your love. And long-distance relationships are extremely difficult at best. But mature singles to meet partners online in fairly decent numbers.
"Marci, I am not trying to be negative or discourage you. That's the reality in 2013. Not much fun I know. In our 60s, the ratio of single women to single men is likely more than three-to-one. Tough odds, but not impossible odds.
"I referred earlier to my singles Meet and Greet events at my Dana Point deli. Is it a good place to meet men in their 60s? Yes, compared to the above methods and places we've talked about. The ratio of single women to single men there is between 3-to-1 and 4-to-1. Again, not great odds, but, as good as any place I know.
"When women telephone me in advance seeking information about those gatherings, and ask if they might meet a partner, I say empathetically, most likely not. I tell them to keep their expectations in check. If they don't, they will be disappointed. Hearing that, some won't bother to attend.
"We've held these gatherings for over a year. About eight men and eight women have become eight couples that I am aware of. The problem with that. It took eight men out of the dating pool.
"The original question, "Where to meet men?" becomes "How do I improve my chances of meeting men?" We've touched on that today. In summary, here's how:
1. Be assertive (not aggressive)
2. Get out of the house and involved in activities
3. Keep you physical appearance up
4. Be positive
6. Use the Internet (if you must)
After writing this answer to Marci, and sending it to her, she didn't respond so I decided to make it a column and share it with you instead.
Have a pleasant June week-end.