top of page

Where to go to meet successful senior men? Defining the word successful

By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50

Last week, I was right and I was wrong. Remember Bill, the guy who launched a diatribe based on Diane's question about where to go to meet successful men?


I was right because it made many of you angry. I was wrong because it didn't make many of you angry. You simply laughed at what many of you perceived as a bitter, cynical man. Mary wondered, "Who spit in Bill's Wheaties?"


Linda said, "He's probably overweight, bald and 75, still single and miserable." Cheryl said he needs to get a dog-the only thing that would love him.


A few of you suggested Bill stand naked in front of a full-length mirror. Mason said, "This is a man with very little sexual contact with women. If Bill thinks a man's libido is stronger than a woman's as we get older, he hasn't dated much."


And believe it or not, a sampling of you sided with Bill. Paula said, "Everything he said is the truth. There are women who over-price and over-rate themselves. Stick to your guns Mr. Bill."


Larry emailed, "Unfortunately, without the anger, I generally agree with Bill."


To refresh your memory, here is Diane's quote that ignited so much discussion.


"I am wondering if you have any suggestions on ways to meet more quality gentlemen. (By quality, I mean successful as in senior successful men)."


The mistake Diane made-and it was overwhelmingly the women who pointed this out-was that she didn't define "successful." Many of you helped by defining it for her.


Barbi said, "Diane used poor judgment in her choice of words. Successful can mean many things." Donna agreed, "Diane should have defined successful. I think I know what she is looking for but she didn't define it well."


Star said, "I don't defend Bill's rant, but somewhere in the midst of it is the kernel of a very valid question; Just what do we mean, especially at our stage in life, when we talk about a 'successful' human being?


Success to Ms. Lou is simply meeting a man who is "nice, intelligent, and happy."


And from Marcia, "Successful simply means a man is currently employed in a job he likes, has a decent FICO score, that reflects his care with his money and his credit history, and he's not wanted in three states for high crimes and misdemeanors."


Claudie's idea of a successful man is "one who has grown up in spite of growing out, if he has."


In her online profile, Sandra defines successful as "someone who has balance between work, family, physical fitness and the spiritual. "


When Fred looks for a "successful professional" online, he means a person: "having the energy and drive to have achieved something in life, or in a career, and having made a difference in the world."


Jennifer shared, "When women say 'successful,' they usually mean self-supporting, at a minimum, and perhaps a modicum of success. They want to rule out losers and the unemployed, and can you blame them?"


Mary believes successful is "being happy and fulfilled at what you are doing."


The lesson from last week's column is the importance of explaining to potential mates--on the Internet, in your profile, or in person--what you mean by successful and to be specific in what you seek in a mate. That should keep the angry men at bay, at least for the time being.

bottom of page