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Second date caution. Should you allow a new man to pick you up at your home? Avoid dating danger.

By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50

When we were young, it was considered rude if the boy didn’t pick the girl up at her home when going on a date. But now that we’re dating again and way, way older, that old policy no longer applies.

Should a women allow a man that she has just met come to her house to pick her up? What if he’s a stranger, or perhaps someone she’s only been out with once or twice? Such was the situation with Joan. Senior women need to protect themselves.

Joan said, “I met on man for the first date on Wednesday. He had been married for 30-plus years and lost his wife six years ago. We had an enjoyable dinner together. He did seem a little controlling and I got the impression he was looking for a travel partner, which is OK.

“We left the restaurant and he walked me back to my car. He asked to see me again on Saturday and suggested a local Doo Wop show. He said it would be with friends (male and female) of his and that sounded good also. I said yes.”

So far, so good. Getting past that first date is a big hurdle for the over-50 dating set.

Joan continued, “He asked if he could pick me up at my house. I hesitated for a moment and then realized it would save time, as I lived closer to the show venue than he did, so I agreed. He picked me up and we had a great time at the show with his friends. We got along well and enjoyed dancing and being together.

“When he brought me home, he asked if he could come in for a moment so I could go over the directions for him to go home—I live in quite a remote area up in the hills. I agreed-big mistake!

“As soon as we got inside, he grabbed me and quite forcefully tried to have sex with me. I was alarmed and asked him to leave. He persisted for quite some time and I had to struggle to release myself. I insisted he leave and he became angry.

“As he left, he said, 'Well, you can’t blame me for trying.' I realized that this man is stuck 40 years ago in his mind. Thank God he left when he did, but I was quite shaken. In 15 years of being single, that has never happened to me. He seemed like such a nice, polite man.”

He called Joan for the entire following week, until she emailed him, telling him what she felt and thought. She suggested he change his ways with woman, that mature women know their minds and won't accept that kind of behavior.

“I’m lucky it wasn’t worse, and will be very careful as to who comes into my home too soon!”

In this day of meeting and dating strangers, women have to protect themselves. Until they know a man well, and can trust him implicitly, they should not reveal their last name, or where they live or work. They should not give out their home phone number, instead they should communicate via a cell phone or an answering service. They should not have their full names within their email addresses. They should never allow a stranger to give them a lift. This is a sad state of affairs, but protecting oneself has to be the top priority in dating.

In Joan’s case, it’s easy to understand her decision to let him pick her up, and to let him come inside for directions. In hindsight, however, she should have met him in a well-lighted parking lot somewhere down the hill from her home. She should have said “no” to his request to come inside for directions, but he could have forced himself on her outside just as easily.

Lesson learned: Do not let a stranger come to where you live and pick you up for a date.

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