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Don't settle

By Tom P Blake

For women, meeting eligible men to date gets harder as time passes by. With each year, there are fewer single men in the dating pool. When a man enters a woman's life, filling a void, it can be difficult for her to dismiss him as a potential partner when he doesn't measure up to what she is worthy of.

It can be tempting but women should never settle.


The same applies to men. Some want so desperately to gain security or have a relationship they may not care about compatibility. 


Today, two women describe situations they got themselves into. This is a tale of two women who refuse to settle.


In situation number one, Ann emailed: "I'm 72. Been told I'm attractive and fun. Own my own home and usually work part time.


"I met this gentleman at the gym. He made a very nice impression and seemed so desperate to please. He recently left his wife because she was going into a nursing home and he's filing for divorce. If he remarries it will be his fourth time.


"His wife owned the house so he had to move to an apartment. He's retired military. He has a limited amount of money, poor health, no sex life, and generous spirit of spending and offering a good time.


"Here's the problem: I'm not attracted to him for a romantic relationship as I befriended him to help him talk about his situation with his wife. He constantly talks about us getting married. He takes me to very nice restaurants and he generally likes to please me in everything. I'm trying to explain to him that we're just friends. In my heart of hearts, I think he's looking for another home and wife to hang his hat. 


"My friends think 'he's such a nice guy!'  I feel I have to protect myself from making mistakes so late in life. Am I throwing away a good thing?"


Our second email came from Wendy: "I met a gentleman while out with my girlfriend one evening. He was interesting, good looking and a sheriff, so feeling safe, I started out on the dating process. He is the kindest man, fun to be with and very good looking.

"He told me he loved me within two weeks and began planning our future life together, and wanted to be with me 24/7 right off the bat. I did really like him, and kept asking him to slow down so we could get to know each other well.


"Sadly, I finally had to tell him it was over just to get some breathing room! I know guilt is not love, and we cannot be made to fall in love, but I still have a hard time being 'mean.'


“Whatever happened to just going out and having fun for awhile before jumping in the sack or moving in together?"


The good news in both cases is neither woman is going to settle with a man who doesn't measure up. But I have to ask why Ann wondering is if she's throwing away a good thing? Does she really need to ask?


The guy is abandoning his wife because she has health issues, has no money, is in poor health, doesn't own a home and can have no sex life, which is probably a good thing because Ann isn't attracted to him anyway.


Wendy, on the other hand, soon figured out that the sheriff has issues: mainly low self-esteem and the need to control. Sounds like he can't function on his own without a woman near him around the clock.


Behavior like that would drive me bonkers, as it would Wendy, which she realized. She simply wondered why they can't have fun together before getting so darn serious.


Thank heaven that neither Ann nor Wendy settled. Do not get involved in a relationship where you will be worse off.

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