The question, “Where are the successful senior men?” triggers a man’s rant
By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50
This week, my "Single Again" column in The Orange County Register--the nation's 20th largest newspaper--addressed an issue women frequently inquire about: where are the quality senior men?
A woman named Diane asked a question that inspired the column. When I submitted it to the newspaper, I felt good about it, thinking it would be helpful to Diane and other single women who were also wondering where to meet quality men. I thought single women might respond, thanking me for such sage advice.
I sure misjudged the reception. It was the men who responded and they weren't very nice. Here are the two paragraphs Diane wrote that angered the men.
"I am 51 years young and back in the dating scene after 25 years of being married. I have met some nice gentlemen thru a couple of different online websites, but I am wondering if you have any suggestions on ways to meet more quality gentlemen. (By quality, I mean successful as in successful senior men)."
Diane added, "I am attractive with a good figure, educated and own my own company. My life is filled with great friends and family and I am in a great place to share the rest of my life with a great guy."
I thought Diane's request to meet a successful man was reasonable. But it was the word "successful" that put some men over the top, even taking me to task.
Many men responded. I picked one guy's response that was particularly harsh. Let's call him Bill (not his true name). Bill wrote: "I think you and Diane are a little out of touch with reality. When she uses the word 'successful', I think she means with money of his own-either wealthy-or moderately so.
"Let me try to disabuse you and Diane of a few opinions you both seem to have."
And then Bill began disabusing Diane and me: "First, what does she mean by the terms 'attractive' and having a 'good figure?' I'll bet the figure she now has is nowhere near as 'good' as it was when she first married at the age of 26, and I'm sure that her skin and muscle tone have deteriorated over the years."
Bill was on fire: "In other words, she is starting to sag and wrinkle. I'll also guarantee that she is heavier than when she was 26. Her opinion of her own appearance is purely subjective, seen through the eyes of a woman who is probably longing to appear as she did when she was younger."
Bill's disabusing continued: "Since time began, men and women have been trading money and power for sex. Women have a need for the security that money will bring, and men prefer their sex from a young woman. A man's libido is far more powerful and persistent than a woman's, which is why older men with money do not look for a woman of the same age when they select a partner.
If your blood isn't boiling yet, it will be soon.
Bill said, "An older woman with money can only interest a younger man with no money. Thus, an unspoken compact is undertaken - the young man, in exchange for servicing the older woman, (although he'd prefer a younger more sexually attractive woman) grits his teeth and goes through the motions in order to gain access to the woman's money."
Bill wasn't done yet: "Please don't suggest the nebulous benefits of 'companionship' and 'conversation'. If I want either of those, I'll join a computer club, go to a baseball game, or find some other venue where the men are not there to find a partner, sexual or otherwise.
"I suggest that Diane face reality, and broaden the acceptability criteria that she has chosen for herself, otherwise the only men who will find her attractive will be 75-year-olds, both with and without money.
And then he ended with another shot at me (yikes, I was just the messenger): "Were the above observations too unpalatable for you to present to Diane, or are you so old you you have forgotten what being fourteen and having spontaneous erections was like?"
That was the end of Bill's rant. He sure covered a lot of territory responding to Diane's simple request about where she could go to meet successful men. He totally missed the point of the column.
I want to thank Bill for doing women a big favor by reminding them why being single isn't so bad. Thank heaven most single men aren't like this man who comes off as angry, sexist and narrow-minded.
Can you imagine what having a first date with him would be like?