Recently divorced man is angry at women, but will see his anger will fade in time
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love After 50
Peter, a single man, shared his thoughts on why he's fed up with dating. He said he isn't bitter after his divorce and it's not his intention to sound like he's whining. "Just thought I would give you a different and honest perspective from a man," Peter emailed.
He wrote, "I think there are a lot of men like me who are 'worn out' dating women after a lengthy and very expensive divorce! I am tired of getting dressed in a suit, driving my date to a fine, expensive restaurant, acting as a doorman and paying for it all only to be granted a kiss on the cheek at the end of the evening."
Peter's comments are similar to the thoughts I held after my divorce 22 years ago. I complained about nearly everything: that my wife had cleaned out the house and left me without notice, that the divorce settlement wasn't fair, that the considerably younger women I tried to date didn't understand me, and that the cost of dating was too high. I was a woe-is-me, mid-life guy, mad at women.
So mad, I applied to write a column from the man's point of view about mid-life divorce and dating and how men get hosed. Two women editors of my hometown paper, the Dana Point News, decided to give me a chance. They felt local single women would be entertained by a divorced man, feeling sorry for himself and writing about his pathetic attempts to date again. One woman responded to an early column by asking, "Who is this sniveling puke?"
Now, in 2016, I am in my 23rd year of writing about finding love and dating after 50.
But back to Peter. He continued, "Since the divorce, most of us smart men have moved on with our lives and have learned that we can survive quite well on our own. We have learned how to run the dishwasher, BBQ, stove, washer/dryer, robot vacuum and get frozen dinners at the grocery store if we don't want to cook for an evening. We can have the TV & remote to ourselves and watch what/if we want."
I know Peter says he's simply being honest, but, the above paragraph sounds like sour grapes to me. Of course men can do those things on their own, but do we really want to be alone forever?
Peter added, "I have a fairly comfortable pension and health plan and don't need any woman to look after me. So it will take some doing to open the Pandora's Box that is every woman's mind.
Come on Peter, not every woman's mind is a closed Pandora's Box. It's unfair to categorize them.
Peter ended with this comment: "The raging hormones from my youth are now just a memory, so it will take a smart woman who can leave her female independence at the door and keep me warm at night, to make me go down that road again."
This last paragraph won't fly with women. It appears Peter is suggesting that because sex isn't as important to him now as it was in his youth, women will have to offer more to him than the sex they once did.
And leaving female independence at the door? I don't think so. It's refreshing to meet women who are independent. And, it's not a woman's job to keep a man warm at night. Snuggling is a benefit to both parties in a relationship, and the responsibility of both also.
Peter is likely a good guy, just a bit scorched at the moment. In due time, he'll change his feelings. And then, one fine day, a kind, gentle, caring woman will enter his life and his different and honest perspective will soften and he'll embrace the new wonderful person in his life.
That change happened to me. It has happened to other men. It will happen to Peter.