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Are senior men afraid of commitment? Some men will never settle until the right woman comes along.

By Tom P Blake - Finding Love After 50

Are senior men afraid of commitment? Kathryn--formerly from Philadelphia, now living in California--thinks that's the case.


She wrote, "Oftentimes, men are not looking for a LTR (long- term relationship) or a committed relationship, but an occasional movie/dinner date. They are attentive, show gentlemanly behavior while on date, but the end result is they might take a month before they ring you again. 


"Is this the nature of the 'beast' in the dating world today, or is it more indigenous to California singles?" 


I responded by telling Kathryn that it's not solely a California thing. It simply depends on the man. Some are dead set against a relationship that ties them down; they will never commit. If Kathryn is seeking commitment, she should avoid dating guys who feel that way, even though she might be attracted to them.


It's human nature to tend to want what we can't have.


But most--not all--men I know would love to have a permanent relationship with the right woman. But, until they find her, if ever, they're not going to get roped in.


Recently, I wrote about Clyde and Bonnie, who met on the Internet last fall, and plan to marry in July.


During their early dating stage, Bonnie, fearing Clyde was anti-commitment, wanted to know why he had not been involved in a serious relationship in the 20 years since his divorce.  


Without hesitation, Clyde said, "I refused to settle until I found the right woman for me. And you're the one."


In another case, Kathy, mid-60s, New Orleans, described a man she met: "Peter is the most awesome man, the first I've considered marrying. He sends me flowers, wonderful cards with wonderful words written in them. He brings gifts, etc. He floods me with all of those things and then I don't see him for two or three weeks."


She didn't know what to do so she decided to be "very, very patient."


Kathy added, "I knew he was the man for me. However, I continued to date other men and not be 'too available' when he called, no games though. I might see him on a Saturday and Sunday and then he would be scared and back off and I wouldn't see him for another three weeks."


That went on for 18 months. And then, in June, he asked Kathy to marry him. Even confirmed bachelors can have a change of heart, especially when they aren't pressured.


Kathy's advise for single women: "The trouble with a lot of women is they ask, 'what can I get out of this relationship" and not 'what can I contribute to this relationship.' I never made any demands on him. However, I continued to date other men."


Another important point from Kathy: "I made sure that our times together were joyous so that when he wasn't seeing me, he felt the loss."


To answer Kathryn's initial question, it's not just California men who are hesitant to commit; it's men from all over the United States. Most want a relationship, but they want to be darn sure they make the right decision.


A confident woman who has her own life increases her chances of reeling in that elusive guy, whether he's from California, New Orleans or Philadelphia. Most men are not afraid of commitment. 

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