Seniors should never lie about age on dating profile
There are 4 parts to today’s newsletter
Part 1 - Senior dating: Don't ever lie about age on dating profile. Senior women take Tom P Blake to task
In last week’s newsletter, I said it was okay for Dave, age 81, to lie about his age on his profile. That was wrong on my part. Lying is never acceptable. And three of our women Champs told me so. I appreciate them keeping me in line.
Sarah: “I would suggest that somewhere in his script on the dating site, Dave indicate that he is a young 81 and full of vitality in lieu of telling an untruth.
“He needs to be as he expects, and I doubt he expects or wants a woman to lie about her age, or anything else for that matter.”
Joan, “The thought of someone lying about their age or anything on the dating site is always a red flag for me, and as soon as I find out the truth, which may be in the first email back and forth, I drop the person.
“I am 68 and look probably not more than 50 I am told. I am proud of that and feel lucky and, also work at maintaining that. I would rather have a man tell me how good I look for my age than have him deal with how easily a lie can roll off my tongue and wonder what else I will lie about later.
“I am probably getting off the sites forever after my free six months with Match is over. Even though I know people who met on Match and got married, I think it's such a needle in a haystack that it's not worth the trouble. If I ever meet someone it will be very random, like looking at vegetables at Trader Joe's.”
Karen, 63, “Please advise Dave to be truthful about his age on dating sites. When my girlfriends and I find out a man has lied on his profile, we eliminate him from possibility. If he's lied about one thing, everything else he's said is suspect, too. Truth is always the best! He will attract a great, honest woman if he keeps his faith!”
Part 2 – Sense of humor still intact
Shirley, “I am wondering if you ever hear from anyone with disabilities who is looking for companionship in their 70s or 80s? I have grown to 88 (can’t believe it). I have lived in South Orange County, California, for the past 25 years.
“I have some restrictions but my sense of humor is still intact. I would like to meet someone but I must be on oxygen from time-to-time.
Tom, “Thanks for asking that question. You have provided a topic that needs to be addressed, particularly as we age: Senior dating with disabilities.
“I have not heard lately of anyone with a disability who is looking for a companion in their 70s or 80s. But, that does not mean I won't hear from someone. I will mention your question in the newsletter.
“But, instead of focusing in your profile on your disability, focus on your wonderful, positive attributes and what you like to do and what you’d like in a mate. And then you can add a footnote saying, “By the way, from time-to-time, I do need oxygen. But, it doesn’t stop me from being active and getting out and about.”
“Because you occasionally need oxygen does not mean you must only date men who need oxygen or have disabilities. As we age, almost all of us have ailments to different degrees. That doesn't mean we are damaged goods.
“And when I think about it, every human on earth needs oxygen to function. Why should it matter that you need a little boost from time to time? If a man won’t date you because of that, he wouldn’t be a good partner anyway.”
Part 3 – New widow needs to take it slow
Michelle, “I am 55, and have been widowed 18 weeks, seems like 18 years. During my 31-year-marriage, my husband was sick for 17 years. I devoted my time caring for him. So, I was not able to mingle much. Before and during that time, I was raising two children.
“My husband and I shared a very close relationship at times. My husband protected me in many ways. I have a lot to offer the right man. I am not going to get involved with just anyone.
“I am very new to this internet dating. I am not sure if it is to be trusted. What free or low-cost dating site is real, not a fake, and where men want to meet good women? And not play games? I do not want to be alone in my life—I never have been. I’m not a fool either. I need advice.”
Tom’s response to Michelle: “You’ve been a widow for 18 weeks and you are already trying to date? Slow down, take a deep breath, and proceed more slowly.
“Since you say you took care of your husband for 17 years, you are probably ready to meet a new man. But you have a lot to learn. I strongly recommend you sign up for the On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter. Reading it will help you slowly dip your toes into the water.
“Yes, there are many frauds, fakes, and bad people on pretty much all dating sites. Please, please be very careful. People with bad intentions prey on new widows. Do not give anyone money. Consider other ways to meet men besides using the Internet. Get out and meet new people and make new friends.
“Do your current friends know of anyone to introduce you to? Are you doing anything now besides using the Internet to meet men?”
“I live on the East Coast. I will be very careful and suspicious. I can usually spot a fraud. God will protect me just like he always has. When I meet a man who is the right one, will I know it?”
Tom’s comment: Hopefully, Michelle will sign up for the newsletter and learn from all of us. She admits she hasn’t been able to mingle much and she is naïve about this whole dating thing, as can be ascertained from her comments. Above all, we do not want her to get scammed, hurt, or taken advantage of.
Any ideas from you Champs?
4. Classic comment: Mark, Palm Desert, California, my former dentist, “At 58, I have found finding the right woman to be 'like finding a needle in a dozen haystacks.’ However, I will not quit. She is out there, somewhere.” Mark is involved in real estate and has many interests.
Finding a needle in a dozen haystacks is sort of like finding love in a rock pile: