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Poor financial management can wreck a relationship. Finances need to be discussed before marriage. Finances are critical to relationship health.

January 22, 2017

Finances are critical to a relationship's health. A woman we will call Unsure--since that's how she signed her email--described how finances are affecting her relationship:


 "I met a great guy, who is nine years older, online 11 months ago. We are engaged. We've kicked around a November wedding date (each has been married twice). We met in June and I moved into his house in December."


They did not have a financial plan or agreement, although they talked about setting up a joint account, but she said there isn't enough left in her paycheck to contribute to it.

Enduring an abusive relationship takes its toll. The fallout from abuse takes a toll. Trusting again after abuse is possible.

December 01, 2016

Deborah emailed: "Do you ever discuss the topic of verbal and emotional abuse? In particular, the trust and the fallout of verbal and emotional abuse. I have done an enormous amount of healing including therapy from an abusive relationship.
"I'm 56, attractive, and have a good job. I've always loved to have fun and would like to again. I'd like not to feel like I can't trust men.
"My ex partner was very wealthy, appeared kind in public, but, after a year or two, became extremely verbally nasty. I thought: this can't be the same man. 

Senior dating tolerance – You cannot change people

September 18, 2016

Singles know that finding a compatible mate later in life is difficult. So when someone comes along who is perfect for us, we feel blessed. Take Joyce for example. She shared the many reasons why she likes the man she met online.

“We enjoy each other’s company, make each other laugh and support each other. He’s a great listener, always available, calls when he says he’s going to, invites my kids along each time we go out and even sent flowers (once).

All seniors seeking a mate carry baggage in one form or another. Most senior baggage has to do with a former relationship. Should senior dating baggage ruin a potential relationship?

September 17, 2016

Can the baggage we carry from a former relationship be so overwhelming that it ruins a promising new relationship? That’s the question Jeff raises in today’s column.

Jeff explains: “I met a really nice girl who went through almost losing her house since her ex stole money from her to support his losing business. She has this thing about money which she thinks is evil and that we come from two different worlds and therefore it would not work. Is this a mindset I should avoid and move on?”

Smothering Relationships don’t last.

September 17, 2016

“My girlfriend of over two years sometimes makes me feel as if I am the least important thing in her life,” said Ed, a widower, who started dating Doris eight months after his wife of 29 years passed away. Ed added, “She’s independent and has told me she doesn’t need a man but wants a man.”

When Doris—a widow of three years—and Ed were introduced by a friend, he had no intention of dating. That soon changed: “She was very fun and a great comfort to me. I soon fell in love with her," said Ed.

10 Senior Dating red flags

September 17, 2016

Janice, 58, has a new man in her life. They met online and seem to be well-matched. She said, “He’s everything I ever wanted—looks, physical condition, sense of humor, financial stability, considerate--but, I’m concerned about information he has and has not revealed.

“He says his job is top secret and he can’t talk about it until later. Are there senior dating red flags to look for that might indicate he isn't who he says he is?”

Will your lover stand by you in difficult times?

August 04, 2016

Traumatic events that happen to us often result in an evaluation of the depth and importance of our relationships.

Pat, a 55-year-old single woman living in San Diego, dated Oscar for nine months. She wanted a committed relationship, but at age 66, he had never married and was a confirmed bachelor. During the same time period, Pat had also dated Jim on a “friends only” basis.

Women and men comment on commitment

August 04, 2016

Note from Tom: This article first appeared December 20, 2002, and was updated in 2016

Women comment on commitment

Women explained why they're cautious about commitment, while some men said they're willing to commit.

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