In senior dating lingo, the word “cougar” is used; cougar triggered comments from 4 women when used in Tom’s newsletter. Some women despise the word cougar.
By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50
Laurie, “I enjoy my younger man calling me his cougar. I call him my cub. I'm not offended at all. It's very sexy and fun.
Joanie said, “I would like to see the word ‘cougar’ along with the "N" word and the "F" word deleted from the American vocabulary. We have no similar insulting word that we apply to the more typical old man dating a young woman. And even in that situation, the woman is called a "gold digger" yet there is no similar insulting name to call the man. Why is that?
“The word cougar has a predator - take advantage - stalking - slithery - sneaky - connotation to it. I have always been aware of the words applied to women who don’t fit the ideal of whom? Men? We have terrible words (and attitudes) towards prostitutes and yet we don't have the same inventory of words for the prostitutes’ customers!
“We have all kinds of derogatory terms for loose women, but we don't have the same inventory of terms for loose men. It seems to me that it’s men who invent and apply these words to women in general. And it’s hurtful and stereotyping and disrespectful to women and especially to young girls hearing these words. I become combative when I hear these words used towards women and I would never accept a man in my life who holds the attitudes where he could use these words for women.
“I have raised a daughter and I know how young girls feel when they hear these disgusting words as each word contains ideas that denigrate a female.
Comment from Tom to Joanie: I am not certain that it was men who created and apply those words to women, but here are a few phrases we could adopt to describe a loose man: ”Wolf” “Dawg” “Horn Dawg,” or “Horny Toad.” However, I don’t equate those four terms or “Cougar” with the other two words you’d like deleted from the American vocabulary.
Brenda, “I recently dated a guy eight years younger for six months. He treated me better than any man ever has. I'm not sure what happened but it ended suddenly.
Regarding, the cougar reference: My son teased me about that when I was dating the younger guy. It just made me smile, I wasn't offended. We laughed about it. Label however you want, it doesn't change the content. I find the cougar reference thing more of a joke, so I guess more serious people may be offended. My son's wife is eight days older than he and he calls her his cougar. I think it's cute and so does she.
“The thing I got most from the relationship was that I wanted a relationship again. After a few months had gone by, I then reconnected with an old friend. He is a couple years older than I. have typically dated older men. I find I like the ones closer to my age, we just seem to 'get' each other better.
“My take on the older/younger dating is if it works, work it. As long as expectations are clear and accepted on both sides. Communication is very important. That was the problem with the younger guy I dated. He was terrible at it. I, on the other hand, really need clear and defined boundaries as the relationship starts to progress. I want to know what he wants for his future. I want honesty. I like to talk and be open. There is no right or wrong we just are who we are and we want what we want. The goal is to find someone who fits in our life.”
JoAnna, “I'd like to say something about the recent comments by Diane, the 73-year old who's dating the 58-year old. I don't care about their age difference, but what caught my attention was the fact that she's been seeing someone for four years, and yet she doesn't care if he dates other women.
“Two to three times a month for four years sounds like a pretty solid relationship that you would think would be monogamous. If their relationship includes intimacy, is she OK with the guy having sex with other women? I'd be curious to know if this is a common type of relationship for people in this age group.