Tips on where to go to meet men: meeting new people is vital to finding a mate.
By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50
Part 1 – A woman from Los Angeles asks about meeting men.
Cheryl emailed, "I live in the Los Angeles area, am widowed, attractive and easy to get along with, and have a modicum of intelligence to boot!
"Will your organization offer me some venues to meet nice, respectful men in my age group? I'll be 62 in a couple of weeks. I work full-time. I'm still raring to go. I'm just not sure WHERE to go. I don't do internet dating."
I replied to Cheryl: "That's a great question and I'm glad you asked it. There is no organization, although I do have approximately 1,500 people on my mailing list. Many are subscribers; our tie to each other is that they receive the newsletter and we often exchange emails. If you are looking for a club or something along that line, I can't help you."
I thought about Cheryl's question and decided to write a newspaper column for the syndicate of newspapers that carry my article about how to answer her. Here are excerpts from that column.
"Where should I go to meet quality men my age?" is the most frequently asked question I receive from mature single women. I've been writing columns on mid-life dating for 15-plus years and I still can't give women a satisfactory answer to that question--because, there isn't one.
I answered Cheryl--at the risk of discouraging her by writing that there is no place in the Los Angeles area or anywhere across the USA--at least to my knowledge--where older single men congregate for the purpose of meeting quality women near their age. Places like that simply don't exist.
Yes, there are clubs and bars where older guys go hoping to meet young honeys, but women like Cheryl wisely stay away, not wanting to demean themselves in a meat-market atmosphere.
Women get irked at me and some even suggest I'm not worth my weight as a columnist since I can't come up with specific places where single men hang out in the towns and cities in which they live. I don't know what's going on in Chicago, Charlotte or Cincinnati and whether the men hang out at Morrie's Pub or Beck's Poker Club in those cities, but my where-to-go message applies to all parts of the country.
My book, Finding Love After 50. How to Begin. Where to Go. What to Do, ffers advice to singles on where to go: "People need to get off the couch, away from the computer screen, out of the house, and pursue activities and hobbies that interest them. Meeting new people is vital to finding a mate.
"Singles should go out to spice up and revitalize their lives, grow, have fun and experience new things. While doing that, they might meet a mate, they might not, but in doing so, they've improved their chances greatly."
I also tell singles that it's important, however, not to go out for the sole purpose of trying to meet a mate. When singles do that, they come off as looking too hard-even desperate-and other singles sense that and will avoid them altogether.
We hear about the importance of attitude so much that it's almost a hackneyed thought, but I cannot stress enough how important it is for singles to have a positive, non-judgmental attitude when they are out and about. A smile works wonders in finding love after 50.
When singles are negative, potential partners they meet relegate them to the dating slush pile.
Also in my book, I suggest reunions and weddings as must-go places for singles. Joining clubs and doing volunteer work are worthwhile activities, as are going back to school and travel. Antique car shows are great places to meet men. Most men love to talk about their cars so conversations are easy to start.
On Wednesday, Nancy, late 50s, who was working at Pier One Imports in Dana Point, said to me, "I have no problem meeting men. They are everywhere. You just have to be friendly and approachable. Walking in Dana Point Harbor is a great place to meet people."
Now, I realize each of you can't walk in Dana Point Harbor. But you have parks and places where you live where you can go to meet people who are likewise out walking and enjoying themselves. Flea and produce markets can be enjoyable places to mingle.
By not using the Internet, Cheryl has excluded herself from one of the most prolific ways older women meet older men. In spite of the negatives that accompany Internet dating, there are endless success stories of how older singles met mates on the Internet. It should be at least a small part of Cheryl's mix of activities.
So where should Cheryl and single women in general go to meet men? Anywhere and everywhere, it's the getting out with new people that's important. Fate will take over from there.
Part 2 – Responses to the above “Where to Go to Meet men” article than ran two weeks ago
Two weeks ago, this newsletter's topic was where single women should go to meet men. Surprisingly, it was the women who responded more than the men with where they've found success in meeting those elusive single guys.
I know we've mentioned it before, but many people recommended the website www.meetup.com. It's not a dating or singles website, but a site where people organize themselves into groups that share a common interest or goal. Unlike regular online social networks, members actually meet face-to-face in activities the groups plan.
And where there are lots of new people getting together, romance has a potential to follow.
Brenda wrote, "There is no cost to join or for membership at Meetup.com. It is organized by interests in your zip code area: hiking, volleyball, theater, dance, biking, pet lovers, movies, travel, foreign language, law of attraction, religion, books, any kind of sports (lots of men in the sporting-related ones).
"Whatever your interest - you name it - they'll probably have a meetup for it. If not, you can start your own. They do have singles meetups for those interested in singles activities.
"By joining, you'll get emails (or not, if you prefer) on upcoming events in your area that you can RSVP for. You'll meet lots of new like-minded people (both male and female) this way."
Note from Tom: Meetup.com is easy to join. I joined in about one minute. It's a vast site; there are nearly 50,000 Meetup groups covering 3,662 interest categories that reach around the world (and those numbers were from October, 2008).
And there were other fun suggestions on where to meet men.
Kathy said, "The golf course! Gals, get out there and take a few golf lessons, buy a club or three to get you started. Municipal clubs are more affordable for lessons and to play a round of nine holes, and go for lunch after-- a Mecca of men.
"Also, lots of golf opportunities like Friday night dances and golf dinners that won't break the bank --- usually the weekend things are well-attended by those guys who go home to an empty house.
"Men are not in the bars but on the golf course and having lunch or a few beers in the clubhouse dining rooms. Start a conversation -- if they've had a GOOD golf day, they'll talk."
Comment from Tom: So the opening line to the golfer guy might be, "Did you have a good round?" If the guy says no, move on down the bar to the next guy.
Pat shared how she met men, "When I was looking, I didn't like the types of men I met at the usual watering holes. I joined a local ski club and started going on organized ski trips, attending club meetings and participating in club activities. Within a year, I met my husband.
"The secret is to get involved! I saw many women make the mistake of going to meetings with their girlfriends and sitting at a table, talking only to them. No man is going to approach a table full of women, talking among themselves and select one to dance or ask out - it's too intimidating!
"Women who took part in club activities and volunteered their services (occupying board positions, helping with social activities, running trips, etc.,) found partners sooner or later and had fun in the process.
Gale, said, "Where to meet men? Everywhere: hardware stores, gyms, supermarkets, church. Anywhere people go, there are men."
Anne suggested a unique place, "I went to an astronomy star gazers party alone. Guess what! Men are the ones that man the large telescopes and like to explain astronomy to anyone who will listen. It was fun and I met some nice men."
Anne added perhaps the best advice of all, "If science isn't your interest, try something else -- with a smile."