Finding love for people with special health issues. A website, Presciption4love.com caters to special health issues for singles.

By Tom P Blake - Finding Love after 50

An older single man who would like to have a relationship has a medical condition that could turn off women. He wonders how soon he should reveal his condition after meeting a woman online. Due to the personal nature of his situation, he requested to remain anonymous, so we shall refer to him as "Joe."

 

Joe wrote, "Last spring I underwent prostate cancer removal. The result is that I am a survivor but that I am virtually impotent. I have come to terms with this because I had to. On the other hand, how does one address this sort of issue in the dating environment?

 

"Prior to the surgery I was dating a lot. I was seeking a compatible lady with whom I could join as 'retirement partners,' with or without marriage.   

 

"I am now well enough to begin the search again. At what point do I bring up the subject of the cancer and the results? I have posted an online ad in which I state that I am a recent cancer survivor. The ad is not getting much response."

 

I don't feel Joe needs to reveal upfront that he is a cancer survivor. Surviving cancer is a miraculous, positive thing, not something he should think of as a negative and have to reveal as a condition of establishing a relationship.

 

Rather, since Joe's condition affects his ability to have sex, he should reveal upfront that he is seeking a woman who places little or no importance on the need for sex.

 

By revealing the no-need-for sex issue up front, he won't waste his time or the time of women who feel sex is mandatory for them.

 

There are women who would be perfectly happy having a non-sexual relationship with a man.

 

One woman said, "My (dating) experience found only men that were interested in a relationship that included sex. Because I never took Estrogen, which reduced my libido, I found it uncomfortable to constantly have to reject men and decided it was unfair to them to even begin to 'date,' as it always turned out that what they 'really' wanted was sex with or without marriage."

Meeting a partner who doesn't want sex as part of a relationship could be difficult for singles. But now the Internet can make that challenge easier.

Prescription4Love.com is a date matching website where singles with infertility and impotency issues can meet.

But Prescription 4 Love isn't limited to sexless pursuits. It specializes in 37 kinds of special health issues that can be awkward to divulge to a potential mate: cancer, diabetes, HIV, herpes, STDs, epilepsy, obesity, arthritis, Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson's disease, Lupus and HPV. In addition, quadriplegics, paraplegics, little people, recovering alcoholics and 15 other health issues can post profiles.

 

The site was founded by Ricky Durham whose brother wanted a partner but had Crohn's disease.

 

On the Prescription 4 Love website, Durham explains his brother's dilemma: "He also had a colostomy bag. It was hard for him to disclose his disease to anyone, but it was really hard for him to tell someone he had a colostomy bag.

 

"When do you tell someone that you have a colostomy bag, the first time you meet? The first date? The second? So I thought if he met someone at a website where everyone had the same condition, there would be nothing to disclose."

For Joe and his impotency--and others with special medical conditions--the Prescription 4 Love website may be just the ticket to finding a mate without worrying about what a potential partner is going to think.   

 

Responses the following week to the above column:

 

Insightful comments from four of our members follow:

 

(1)  "To put it delicately, just because that part of Joe's body doesn't function doesn't mean he has to look for someone who doesn't care about sex.  Viewing sex as only the act itself is pretty limiting.  Maybe now is the time to get creative.  There are all kinds of intimacy."

 

(2)  "I had breast cancer diagnosed in 1988 and a mastectomy with reconstructive surgery, which I was not too happy with because it doesn't look anything like a normal breast. I divorced in 1989 and shortly after that I began dating again. It didn't become an issue until I met a gentleman that I fell in love with. 

 

"After a few dates, I told him that I'd had a mastectomy and he could have cared less (and I mean that in a good way). He said he loved me and the issue of the mastectomy was irrelevant as far as his feelings for me. We married a few months later. 

“Unfortunately, he passed away two years after our marriage. If you really enjoy someone's company and want to be with them, then it's very wise to let them know in the beginning what your health issue is. If it's a problem for them, then move on. I am a senior lady and the furthest thing from my mind at this stage of my life is having sex, but that doesn't mean I'm not romantic and wouldn't enjoy having a partner/companion (without marriage)." 

 

(3) "It is sad that so many older men think that sex can only be satisfying via one method. They need to learn something about real love-making.  I've had a couple of fantastic lovers who were innovative, creative, plus we used adult toys. There is lots of reading material out there on how to be creative," 

 

(4) "Please tell the man who had prostate surgery that according to an expert on sexual matters who is an older woman and has a weekly TV show on the subject, only 13% of women who enjoy sex can reach an orgasm from intercourse. The rest of us (87%) do not require an erection to enjoy a wonderful sex life. I am over 70 and have had several very fulfilling experiences with gentlemen who were impotent. 

 

"There are many other things you can do that do not require the man to have an erection.  My latest gentleman friend is only 55, has heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes but we enjoy each other (sexually) very much.  The man who wrote you DOES NOT HAVE TO RESORT TO A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT WANT SEX unless he, too, has lost all interest in that form of intimacy.”

 
Welcome to Prescription4Love, a dating and friendship service geared toward health conditions and diseases. These days, many people are seeking relationships online and consequently, specialized alternative dating services have

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