Small Towns are dead-ends for singles seeking mates. Seven women speak on living in rural areas and meeting men
By Tom P Blake – Finding Love after 50
The focus of last week's column grew beyond meeting men in small towns to dealing with being single regardless of where one lives. Seven women share their philosophies.
Judy, 66, said, "I live alone, work alone and live in a small town. I guess the odds are against me.
"In almost a year online (two sites), I have met only one person. I have tried different photos and extended the acceptable areas. When those sites come up for renewal, I am letting them lapse.
"I bowl in a league and volunteer at the local blood bank. I do not feel bad about my life, but I am realistic."
Jennifer agreed with me, "Living in rural areas seeking love should use an Internet dating site and/or consider moving to a more populated area. Small towns are dead-ends for singles seeking mates."
But, Shirley, aka the wise bird of Manhattan, took issue with moving to where there are more single men. She says meeting men in big cities is also hard.
Shirley said, "Wait a minute! If you and these women assume that meeting a man will reduce loneliness, you've all got a lot to learn."
"We in the big cities face the very same challenges; more people, more trouble, more losers, and more players!"
"Either we women keep trying, and it works or it doesn't, but life goes on, whether Sir Galahad is in the picture or not! Depending on a man after losing the important one is a losing situation, and we women have to take our opportunities and lives into our own hands--and move on mentally and emotionally, and use our brains, for we have many resources, and a man is only one.
Marta, "Many folks in urban areas remain single despite large populations. I live in a big city (3.3 million people in Montreal) and have still not met the man of my dreams.
"I remind myself each day that life has so much to offer if only I will go out and experience it. I want a cultured person and I love galleries, etc., so I attend everything, and now have new friends that I spend time with. I want an active man so I go skiing, swimming - no man yet, but lots of new ski friends through whom I meet MORE new people, and so it goes.
"I pursue my personal interests and passions, and yes, sometimes my eyes have tears in them at bedtime - (some evenings are spent in the company of happily coupled people - that can be hard when alone); but for the most part - my life is enlarged, I myself am more interesting because I get out and about.
"We live in a world where we now expect to have everything we desire. But no one is guaranteed a romance, a long-term love, the joys of children. A happy and meaningful life can be lived in the full knowledge that we don't get everything we want. Some things elude us.
"Misery or happiness is a choice. I seek contentment in what I have and the love that is present in my life, and don't moan about no man in my life - no one, not even me wants to hear me be sad about that. I don't want to be an old lady and have memories of myself as a whiner."
Update on Marta in October, 2016: She has a mate because she got out and about and worked hard to find him.
Carlene, "I lived in South Lake Tahoe for over 8 years so I know the situation of few men to date. I suggest Judy get out and take advantage of all the Sierras has to offer." Carlene suggested volunteering, joining a hiking group and visiting nearby Gold Rush towns.
"I was staying in one town the weekend of the start of fishing season - talk about lots of gents to talk to at dinner and in the bar afterwards!"
Pat, wrote, "Finding one who wants to make a commitment is difficult in any area, and I don't mean marriage; I just mean a one-on-one commitment."
Edie, "It is important to have a 'full life,' which is not focused on 'finding/meeting' the love of your life. Life goes on regardless and we can either enjoy life or be miserable (without a partner). It is a matter of attitude and what we choose to do in our lives.
"Life can be as exciting as we want to make it so we need to get out there and play a little (nothing reckless, just enjoy the moment) because the destination is the same. It's the path we take that makes the difference."