Women live their lives, with or without a man
Oct. 10, 2002

With or without a man
By TOM BLAKE
For The Register's South County Weekly Newspapers

In the comments section of last week's column,
Sandy, of San Clemente, was quoted, "Where are the single men mid - to late 40s?"

It's a question I often hear. If you're a middle-aged woman, wondering, like Sandy, where the single men are, you're not alone.

And it's not just women in Orange County.

Millions of women across the country wonder the same thing. And as women turn 50, 60 and 70, they find meeting quality single men gets progressively more difficult.

Just ask Roberta of Foothill Ranch.

She e-mailed, "Where does an attractive intelligent female 58 years old meet attractive, intelligent males?"

And Nancy of Laguna Beach, wrote, "Is there dating after 50? I think not. Women after 50 become invisible. When I was a young girl in Texas, I couldn't have imagined that I would end up alone in my 50s."

And Bobbi, of Mission Viejo, said, "I have been alone for the past 10 years by choice, but now would like to meet quality, professional men, and I don't know how or where. Most men I meet are either too young or too old."

I agree that there aren't enough older, quality, single men to go around, and it's hard to know where to meet them. Still, there are good men out there and meeting them can happen, and most women hope for that.

But other women think trying to meet a compatible man isn't worth the effort and have decided to pursue life differently than they did a few years before.

Dolores of Temecula, has changed her priorities. Dolores writes: "Six years ago, I decided to stop looking (for a man). Instead, I spend that time and energy managing my own life with the intention of becoming the best person I can be — with or without a man (but mostly without).

"I made that decision because the older I got, the harder it became to find someone compatible. The men who showed an interest were not 'boyfriend material.'

"So, without indignation or complaint, I faced the reality that as women age, their chances of finding a Mr. Right diminish. Gracious acceptance of that fact can quickly turn resentment into contentment along with the anticipation of creating a new and better life for ourselves."

My hope in writing this column is that it will help older singles. I respect single women, particularly those who adopt a beautiful attitude, as Dolores has. While she admits she'd prefer to be involved with a quality man, she is happy and positive.

She isn't bitter. She doesn't list a plethora of reasons why men are so bad, or how she got shortchanged. She looks on the bright side.

Mary, San Clemente, shared her opinion on the single man shortage, "I recently had a male relative visiting and it brought home the adage, 'I'd like a man in my life but not in my house.' Be careful what you wish for ladies!"

Closing thought: If a turkey enters your life, it doesn't guarantee Thanksgiving. Perhaps he brings a little cranberry sauce to the table, but without enough of the trimmings, who needs the wasted calories?

Weekly comments:

Patrick, Laguna Beach: Regarding long-distance relationships, "If one party has to move, a whole new dynamic of having to fit in comes into play." Response: For long-distance relationships to progress, someone needs to move. Most people underestimate the effects of reality.

Karen, Rancho Santa Margarita: "Can I get an electronic version of former columns? I want to send them to my still single friends." Response: For past columns, go to my Web site: Finding Love After 50 - Master Articles links page - Tom Blake. Some, not all, are posted there.

Things to do: Relationship coach M.P. Wylie's next "Inner Journey to Your Ideal Partner" class is 9:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 19. Call her at 509-6552 for details.

"Fall Dance Festival," 8 p.m. Saturday at Franco's Ristorante, Los Alisos and Jeronimo, Mission Viejo. $35 at the door. Call Allen Wolfe at 859-9993 to confirm ahead of time — a must.

To comment on Middle Age Relationships, e-mail TPBlake@aol.com or write P.O. Box 442, Dana Point, CA, 92629. Please include your full name and city of residence.