Widows and Divorcees know: Dating After 50 is difficult. Author and columnist Tom Blake
information and advice for widowers, widows, divorced men, divorced
women, middle-aged singles boomer singles and senior singles who are
dating again and hope to meet a mate.
Widows and Divorcees know: Dating After 50 is difficult
Most married people understand that being single
is no picnic. But those who don't look down from
the security of their marriage perches,
and say to singles, "Why do you have
so much trouble finding lasting relationships?
Meeting people is easy, we meet people
all of the time. Why do you make
being single so difficult?"
On the Today Show, Matt Lauer asked me
"Why is dating after 50 so difficult?"
Dolores Williams, formerly of Rancho
Santa Margarita, now living in Temecula,
and a divorcee of 12 years, has some
thoughts that may enlighten those few
na´ve married people on the difficulty
men and women have in finding and
developing relationships later in life.
"I wonder how we (singles) even get together,
much less stay together," Dolores e-mailed,
"the complaints from one gender about
the other are consistent and significant."
Dolores says she sees as many rocky
relationships with adults as she
sees in younger age groups.
She wrote: "To me, patience and
selectivity are key, but too few are
willing to wait for someone who is
more compatible and a true keeper.
In their desperation not to be alone,
they hook up now and ask questions
later. Eventually, the question
will be, 'How did I get into this?'"
To people who ask that question,
Dolores replies: "You grabbed
and held on to the first person who
looked good enough and told you
what you needed to hear."
Dolores admits single life can be a drag.
But, she adds, "I've been married and unhappy,
and single and unhappy, and single and
unhappy is better." I agree with that.
She says, "The older a woman gets,
the less likely she is to attract a man
because generally most men, regardless
of age, want younger women." (In last
week's column, I explained
to men why dating younger women isn't
wise.) Dolores feels that women tend to develop
more interests in all areas of life, and
are better prepared to be alone than men.
When relationships don't last, she says men need
to find a quick replacement because
they aren't as self reliant. And quick replacements
usually don't last.
Dolores has a theory: When singles meet,
the chance of finding a good and lasting
relationship is one in four. Could be, he likes
her, but she doesn't like him. Or, she likes him,
and he doesn't like her. Maybe, they don't like
each other. And finally, maybe they do.
Even when they do, Dolores says,
"The odds against it developing into a lasting
relationship are even greater. Is it any wonder,
then, that so few of us get together and stay
Finding other available singles isn't as
easy as it was in high school, when most
kids gathered at the sock hop. There just
aren't places for single adults to go. Even if you
meet someone, there's no guarantee you'll be
Most married people who read my column
tell me it makes them appreciate their spouses
more. I'm not sure if this column will change
the mind of the remaining marrieds who
think being single should be easy.
But, at least Dolores has given them
something to ponder, and maybe they'll stop
telling us how easy single life should be.