Finding Love After 50
© 2004 by Tom Blake
Today, seven widowers provide hope for people suffering from the lost of a relationship by sharing their stories of how they struggled to reenter single life.
"The Register did a story on my wife of 19 years who died of breast cancer in May, 2000, said Bob, of Cypress. "There was a picture of me in the paper
holding my wife's photo. At the time, I would have told you I was never going to date again."
Twelve months later, Bob had a date with one of his wife's friends. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I felt like I was cheating on my wife from
the start. But I soon got the hang of dating again and am Internet dating. I'm having fun and learning a lot about the opposite sex. I also learned that life will go on given enough
time." Bob is still dating.
Roger, Huntington Beach, unexpectedly became a widower in November, 2002. Last March, he felt he needed to relate to single people his age.
For the first time in 33 years, Roger started dating, using the Internet's Match.com.
"In July, I met a wonderful lady. We've had a steady relationship since and on New Year's Day, celebrated our six-month anniversary," said Roger. "Falling
in love at my age while keeping a perspective on my loss has made me happier than I've been in a long, long time."
After 14 years of marriage, Paul, San Clemente, became a widower in April, 2001, at age 37. Paul has focused on staying close with his son, a
student at Orange Coast College. "Despite the time that has passed, we still need each other," e-mailed Paul.
Paul said, "In the year since venturing into the terrifying world of seeking true partnerships, I've had a couple of blind dates, a neighbor who was too ill to go out
when I arrived (nerves, I think), and lots of mental musings on the who-what-how and why. There are many aspects to my journey from true love, to despair, to time-to-get-moving
again."
Bob, Garden Grove, lost his wife of 39 years in January, 1998. "My first year was mostly operating on remote control," said Bob.
He immediately joined a grief-support group at his church. "I'm still going, not for the grief support, but to be with friends I've made. I've spent as much time as possible
being with people."
Bob said: "Many times children and friends want us to 'get over it' and 'move on.' They wonder why we 'aren't dating yet.' They just don't understand. This is a
personal thing, each of us moves on at our own pace and it's OK. Our support group leader said widowed people speak a different language than the 'outside' world. It's true."
One Orange County man asked to be anonymous. "I'm a gratefully healthy 72-year-old widower of two years after a 41-year-marriage. I don't wish to be
celibate but I also don't wish to become involved in a permanent relationship. I had a wonderful relationship so I've done that: I was a care-giver so I've done that. I don't wish
to repeat either nor am I selfish enough to seek anyone to be a care-giver for me. I have an unsought but not unexpected independence."
David Southworth, Clare, Mich., lost his wife February 23, 2002. "She was a prolific poet and writer of children's stories. I had never written poetry, but 30 days after Fran died, I started writing poetry.
"OH boy this is still quite difficult for me to write, even 23 months after my Franny died. She changed me and my life forever. It isn't simply a case of holding on too long, it's simply who I am today. This is my living history."
David shared a poem he wrote called "The Sands of Time." It's beautifully written, personal and touching. While we lack space in this column to share it, David has given me permission to post it on my website at
http://www.findingloveafter50.com/Poem_Southworth.html
Rodney, a 61-year-old retired fireman from San Clemente, shared his path to recovery after losing his wife of 27 years in December, 1997.
Rodney told his veterinarian he'd like to meet someone and the good doctor introduced him to one of his clients. Now, instead of two dogs in his life,he's got four dogs and a girlfriend.
Reader Comments
George, Dana Point, "Regarding your column on the movie, "Something's Gotta Give," in real life, Jack (Nicholson) still chases young stuff."
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