Finding love after 50. The website for middle aged singles and senior singles, providing information and dating advice for middle age dating and senior dating. This column's topic:
A widower seeks love after 50 but needs to overcome shyness. A lesson for older singles, widows and widowers.
Widower seeks love after 50
I received this e-mail from a 55-year-old widower named John:
"I have no clue how to find and meet single women. I'm shy and have missed women's passes that hit square in the head. Do you have a list of activities for older singles?"
I suggested to John that he contact the New Life Club (949 492-2388), a club for widows and widowers, and also published his comments in this column.
Two women asked to be introduced to John. He said, "I did meet a couple of ladies over a cup of coffee. They were nice but we didn't get together again."
John went on to explain: "I think the Internet is not for me when it comes to meeting people. I prefer to meet the person first to see if there may be dating chemistry between us."
Like John, most people dating later in life prefer to avoid blind dates, and meet the person first before going out.
But how feasible is that? The biggest problem facing older singles is finding anybody to date. Meeting a person first to see if dating chemistry exits isn't a luxury older singles have.
Besides, isn't that the purpose of having a cup of coffee with a stranger to see if you both would like to get together again? Neither invests much more than an hour of his or her time.
"How do I meet someone?" is the most frequently asked question I hear. My answer: "Any way you can." That means getting out of the house, being active, having outside interests,
and a willingness to meet new people.
I saw a flicker of hope for John in his most recent e-mail: "Talking to these ladies over the Internet and meeting them has made me a little more comfortable in taking that next
step, asking a stranger out on a date. I may be over 50, but I have never asked a woman out that I didn't at least know casually. There's a first time for everything. Still, I'm single and not dating,"
One of the women John met suggested another problem: as a widower, he hasn't healed enough from the loss of his spouse. He's not mentally available to date yet.
When relationships end--particularly those of a long duration and deep love--people need time to heal and become whole again before dating. Too often, they rush to fill the void.
That doesn't work.
So, a couple of lessons here. First, older singles who want to meet a mate need to get out and be willing to connect with new people (and go out on blind dates).
Second, people with broken hearts need to mend before venturing out into the dating world. However, going out with friends is important. Just don't expect to find love so soon after
losing a mate.
There's hope for John, and all widows and widowers