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Finding love after 50. The website for middle aged singles and senior singles, providing information and dating advice for middle age dating and senior dating. This column's topic: A widower seeks love after 50 but needs to overcome shyness. A lesson for older singles, widows and widowers.

Widower seeks love after 50

I received this e-mail from a 55-year-old
widower named John:

"I have no clue how to find and
meet single women. I'm shy and have
missed women's passes that hit square
in the head. Do you have a list of
activities for older singles?"

I suggested to John that he contact
the New Life Club (949 492-2388), a
club for widows and widowers, and also
published his comments in this column.

Two women asked to be introduced to
John. He said, "I did meet a couple of
ladies over a cup of coffee. They were
nice but we didn't get together again."

John went on to explain: "I think the
Internet is not for me when it comes to
meeting people. I prefer to meet the
person first to see if there may
be dating chemistry between us."

Like John, most people dating later in
life prefer to avoid blind dates, and
meet the person first before going out.

But how feasible is that? The biggest problem
facing older singles is finding anybody to date.
Meeting a person first to see if dating chemistry
exits isn't a luxury older singles have.

Besides, isn't that the purpose of having
a cup of coffee with a stranger to see if you
both would like to get together again? Neither
invests much more than an hour of his or her time.

"How do I meet someone?" is the most
frequently asked question I hear. My answer:
"Any way you can." That means getting out of
the house, being active, having outside interests,
and a willingness to meet new people.

I saw a flicker of hope for John in his
most recent e-mail: "Talking to these ladies
over the Internet and meeting them has made
me a little more comfortable in taking that next
step, asking a stranger out on a date. I may be over
50, but I have never asked a woman out that I
didn't at least know casually. There's a first time for
everything. Still, I'm single and not dating,"
wrote John.

One of the women John met suggested
another problem: as a widower, he hasn't healed enough
from the loss of his spouse. He's not
mentally available to date yet.

When relationships end--particularly those
of a long duration and deep love--people need time to
heal and become whole again before dating.
Too often, they rush to fill the void.
That doesn't work.

So, a couple of lessons here. First, older
singles who want to meet a mate need to
get out and be willing to connect with
new people (and go out on blind dates).

Second, people with broken hearts need
to mend before venturing out into the
dating world. However, going out with friends is
important. Just don't expect to
find love so soon after losing a mate.

There's hope for John, and all widows
and widowers


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