Tom Blake - To meet someone,
older singles need to get out of the house
Friday, October 11, 2002
No matter what, get out of the house
By TOM BLAKE
Special to the Register
Lake Forest resident Tim Smart is concerned about his 72-year-old mother. She was widowed several months ago and is living alone, and Tim feels
she's isolating herself by staying home too much.
Tim knows it's important for his mom to get out of the house, meet new friends and take part in activities, but she's shy and private. Tim asked for suggestions
for her.
I hear about people like Tim's mom all of the time.
They were devoted to their spouses and now they find themselves alone. At 65, nearly half of the women are widows. Many are lost and don't know what
to do. Here are two stories about how older single women have put zip back into their lives.
A Rowland Heights woman who only identified herself as "the matchmaker" shared her story about her widowed friend Ann.
Last month, Ann asked "the matchmaker" and a third female friend, both of whom are married, to attend my "Dating after 50" speech at the national
AARP Convention in San Diego.
The matchmaker described what happened: "Ann is a beautiful woman with a great personality who has had only one or two dates since the death of her
husband nine years ago. She's shy, mainly because we are from the 'old school' of thought, and it's hard to connect with someone or make the first move.
"We enjoyed your presentation and were laughing a great deal. A gentleman two rows in front of us turned sideways to catch our reaction.
"Afterwards, he approached us and started a conversation. He asked if we were married; the two of us replied yes but said Ann wasn't."
The man told the three women his wife had died four years before and he needed to move on and thought the convention was an excellent place to
meet someone near his age.
Ann was being shy, so the matchmaker asked, "What about my friend Ann?"
The matchmaker said she was assertive for Ann because in my speech, I told the audience that singles shouldn't let a chance to meet someone pass by.
"I was waiting for Ann to say something," the man said.
Ann and the man had dates Saturday and Sunday and hit it off. Ann returned home to Orange County and he to Michigan, but they've called each other several
times. He's coming to see her this month. Who knows beyond that?
The lesson: Although shy, Ann got out among people and met a man interested in her (with friends' help). Had Ann stayed home, it wouldn't have happened.
The second story comes from Jean Wendelsdorf of Orange. She wrote: "In January 1997, I was an OrangeCounty single. A friend wanted me to get out among
people and meet new friends.
"We attended a Wednesday night Shirts 'n' Skirts Square Dance Club class at the Ebell Woman's Club in Santa Ana. Two available men were
assigned to dance with me.
"The following year, I married one of those two men."
Jean is now the president of the 43-year-old club. She says the club has both married and single members, and a new class starts Jan. 8. Outsiders
are encouraged to attend and may contact Jean for information at (714) 633-0733 or by e-mailing
squaredn@yahoo.com.
Jean's story illustrates that positive things can happen when older singles are willing to get out. She added, "Dancing to 'Macho Man' is a
healthy activity with cardio benefits."
So, Tim, encourage your mom to get out and involved in activities.
Before she knows it, she won't be hanging around the house much at all, and thanks to a caring son for encouraging her.
Reader comments
Dale, Buena Park: "Most older people are excellent dancers. There aren't places to go to dance. Guess it's in my living room dancing with my shadow."
Response: Watch the newspaper, Dale, the Register sponsors dances, as does Mimi Fane. Or go square dancing in January.
Dolores, Temecula: "I've been divorced 13 years. Six years ago, I decided to stop looking for a man. I now spend time and energy managing my
own life with the intention of becoming the best person I can be - with or without a man (but mostly without)." Response: Most singles need to plan as if they'll go it alone.
And if somebody comes along, that's a bonus.
Sandy, Mountain View: "A friend has arranged for me to meet a new man this weekend. While I'm not assuming anything - and chemistry in person is so
unpredictable - it's nice to anticipate meeting someone funny and energetic." Response: Sometimes people fall in love before meeting face to face. As you note,
chemistry is unpredictable, so it's best to cool your jets until you both see how you feel. Note from Tom: I'll be speaking at the Corona Public Library, 650 South Main, at 7 p.m.
Nov. 7. Topic: "21 things you need to know about middle age dating." Public invited.
To receive Tom's weekly community newspaper columns by e-mail, or to comment, contact him at TPBlake@aol.com
., or write P.O. Box 442, Dana Point, CA 92629. Web site: www.findingloveafter50.com
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