Religion and Dating: Is It an Issue?

August 12, 2004

Are religious beliefs important when dating after 50? Must the person you're seeing share your faith? ThirdAgers have strong opinions on those questions. For some, religion is a make-or-break issue. Others are less vehement.

Carmela of Boonton, N.J., pointed out that "these questions needs to be answered on an individual basis."

Carmela is right, so let's hear what some ThirdAgers had to say!

For Many, There's No Compromise
"I could never seriously date anyone who didn't acknowledge my faith," said Suzy of Mission Viejo, Calif.

Eric, of Provo, Utah, wrote, "It's very important that people be compatible religiously. Even when a couple matches in every other way, religious differences can be a time bomb."

Rosanne of Tyler, Texas, shared, "I would only consider a permanent relationship with a man that attended regular Sunday services -- and preferably of my faith."

"My religion specifically commands that we be 'evenly yoked,'" says Diana of Philadelphia. "[Because of] this and because it's an important part of my life, [it] would preclude involvement with a man who didn't feel similarly."

For Others, Religion Less of a Factor

David  of Elberon, N.J., and his girlfriend have different religions. David said, "Religion isn't a problem between me and Jan, but neither of us is much into formal religion."

Mary of San Clemente, Calif., said, "If a man is basically good and caring, his religion or lack thereof, is not material."

Religion also isn't important in a relationship to Kim of St. Cloud, Minn: "It doesn't matter to me if the man is Christian, Buddhist or Jewish."

'Just Don't Push Your Views on Me'

Karen of Columbus, Ga., said, "I'm put off by people who are zealously attached to their religion. To love one another, that's what it's all about. Isn't it?"

From Winter Haven, Fla., Dean  shared, "The only time religion would be a problem is if the other person tried to push their views on to me. I have my beliefs and I'm not going to change."

One woman said, "Although I encouraged my husband to make his own religious choices (born-again) as long as he didn't impose them on me, he couldn't help himself and it led to the end of our marriage."

Debbie of Pembroke Pines, Fla., said she could respect any religious values "if they don't try to convince others of their superiority or sole claim to righteousness."

Respect, Tolerance Are Key
Mary of Lake Forest, Calif., said, "I've had a long-time relationship with a man who is admittedly agnostic. We respect and accept each other's views with an unspoken understanding that challenging the other in this area is out of bounds."

Jeanne of Sewickley, Pa., e-mailed, "I'm open to most religious viewpoints and would have no problem dating someone from another religion. He'd have to accept that I'd never convert to his religion."

"I'm a Christian but respect all faiths," said J.W. Nelson of Beaverton, Ore. "Faith shows commitment, respect and dedication to one's self. Since I don't know what religion God is, I don't feel it's my place or right to judge others or their beliefs."

Spirituality More Important Than Religion?

Patricia , Pittsburgh, Pa., said, "I'm particularly interested in men who believe in a higher power. Usually, if a man does NOT have that belief, he is inclined to think that HE is his own higher power."

From St. Louis, Mo., Lois wrote, "I prefer to date men who are open-minded and take a more spiritual stance rather than a religious one."

Esther of San Jose, Calif., said, "As long as a person believes in God or has some belief that there is a 'higher being' looking out for us, that's sufficient."

Similarly, Claudette of Chicopee, Mass., stated that "the real substance for consideration beyond a label of religion is the spirituality and heightened consciousness of the individuals involved."