Finding love after 50. Author and columnist Tom Blake's dating
information and advice for widowers, widows, divorced men, divorced
women, middle-aged singles boomer singles and senior singles who are
dating again and hope to meet a mate.
Widows respond about widowers and older men dating younger women
Two weeks ago, I wrote a column that pooh-poohed older men
dating younger women. Perhaps, I should take that stance
more often; the majority of women who responded agreed with
me for once, and praised my maturity, clarity of thought
and prose. Often women disagree with what I write.
Some of the responses are worth sharing.
Therapist and author Tina Tessina (The Ten Smartest
Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty) said, "Some
of the reasons older men are attracted to younger
women can be traced to advertising, where everything
is sold with young, lovely women in the picture.
"The egotistical guys who buy that pitch feel that a
young woman is a sort of job perk. Witness Condit and
Ivory Dorsey, age 54, of Mableton, Georgia, e-mailed:
"I have two men friends in their late 50s who not only
married younger women, but have conceived new babies.
Imagine her, years from now, buying 'Depends' for him,
and 'Pampers' for the babies. Not to mention the anti-
depressants for herself attempting to manage the two."
Amelia Blake, of no relation to me, is 36. She dates a
guy 50. She wrote: "Your statement, 'she considered his
bucks at some point,' is very pessimistic and cynical of
you." Amelia was one of the younger women who cried
"foul" over the column, and feels younger women can be
with older men for reasons other than money. She says
Bob Russell, Aliso Viejo, Calif., feels that youth
and beauty fade quickly. "Someone closer
to your age can appreciate the same things
you do with no pretense. A few years ago,
when I mentioned to a younger woman
I had taken to a movie that the actor looked like
Humphery Bogart, she looked at me sweetly
and said, "Who is Humphery Bogart? Needless
to say, I got the message."
One of the items I mentioned in that
column was the chance of the older
guy getting ill. Two women responded, saying
they had enjoyed wonderful relationships with
their 15-years-older husbands, but both women
became widowed while in their
50s. Granted, either party can get sick, but
the chances of a younger woman becoming a widow
are considerably greater than an
older man becoming a widower.
Keith Stroud, San Juan Capistrano, Calif.,
struck a philosophical pose and said,
"As long as you satisfy each other mentally
and physically, why attach a number?"
When he spoke, he was having lunch with an
attractive woman, 15 years younger.
No other men dating younger women
responded; perhaps they were taking a nap
in preparation for that night's date.
A woman deli customer (I own a deli) said,
"Every relationship is different. What may
be right and work for one couple, may not
be right for another. Each situation must
be judged on its own merit."
I wish I'd said those words because
that pretty much sums up the older men
dating younger women, and older women
dating younger men situations.
Couples with an age gap can have wonderful
relationships--it's how closely they think
together that matters. But overall, I think
guys who date women closer in age fair better,
and have less to worry about.