|
Finding love after 50. The website for middle aged singles and senior singles, providing information and dating advice for middle age dating and senior
dating. This column's topic: It's the follow up to the modular love story of three week's ago. All the couple shared was sex which turned out not to be enough.
Modular love man gets dumped
Three weeks ago, I wrote about my friend Joe in Santa Monica and his self-described "Teflon" relationship with a woman he saw only on Tuesdays and
Saturdays.
In that column, Joe jokingly said he hoped to be the "sex-provider" module in his relationship with her. Well, there's been an update in his situation.
One day after they had spent a night together, she telephoned him and asked if he was sitting down. "I felt a chill go up my spine as she said: 'would I be
willing to make the relationship NON-SEXUAL?!! To me, this would be like asking the Pope to stop going to church!" said Joe.
He said it took her about four minutes to say she no longer had an interest in sex (with him, at least) and was releasing him, not only from their monogamous agreement,
but from the relationship. She had no interest in meeting in person to discuss it. "And that was it, about one minute for each month of the 'relationship,'" Joe said.
He feels the only way her action makes sense is to remember that the relationship was a modular one. "Apparently, ending a modular requires almost no
explanation, you merely 'yank' or 'deactivate' that module, with no disruption to your overall system. Easy as pie," Joe stated.
But, after four months, Joe, despite his whimsical manner, was hurt. He explained: "It's kind of sad, because we did a lot of things together like go to art shows
and galleries, movies, local getaways like Santa Barbara and Palm Springs. I met her sons, brother and friends. New Years week-end we hiked by the beach and had dinner
at a nice restaurant."
What was the problem? Joe elaborated on that also: "The relationship was always lacking any real 'connection,' and had the uncomfortable feeling that it could
end at any minute without advance notice, as it did."
What lesson can we singles learn from Joe's failed relationship? If you're in a relationship that doesn't feel right-where there's not a close connection-and it
doesn't seem to be getting any closer, you'd better be preparing yourself to move on.
Joe wanted it to work, but all along, he had a nagging doubt, hence his lighthearted "modular relationship" theory. He felt she was unwilling to make him a high enough
priority.
Wisely, he didn't place all of his dreams in her. Three weeks before the breakup, he met another woman for coffee, and finds some characteristics about her
to be more positive than ones the modular woman had. He also is playing tennis with another woman. So, we don't have to worry about Joe.
His experience makes a case against having sex too soon. That's actually all that they shared, and it left him feeling sad and empty. I'm not the patron saint
of abstinence, as most of you know, but when that's all there is, that's all there is.
| 