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Finding love after 50. The website for middle aged singles and senior singles, providing information and dating advice for middle age dating and senior
dating. This column's topic: Love and dating in Los Angeles. Hot tubs, tennis, singing in the choice--things that can get in the way. Even sex.
Modular Love
A friend named Joe moved to Los Angeles from Orange County. He's dating a Santa Monica woman. His e-mails about their relationship read like excerpts
from the book, "Bridgett Jones's Diary."
In early November, he wrote, "We established that we should see each other on Saturdays and Tuesdays. This seems to be the 'new'
non-committed/committed relationship arrangement that a lot of women want these days. So, when women complain about men, let's not forget their part in the 'mess.'"
A couple of weeks later, he wrote: "Most (men and women) are oblivious to what they are lacking, how their emotional shortcomings contribute to the demise
of the relationship. Put two dysfunctional people together, and the outcome is what I call 'teflon coated,' relationships that quickly slip apart.
"My relationship is two months old. I don't feel any sense of connection. It's more like a 'dating arrangement,' and could be gone, and I wouldn't be surprised.
Tonight, she had a frustrating computer class, so she is staying home with her rabbit (yes, the 52-year-old 'little girl' has a rabbit). So, I'm alone on a Friday night, is it any wonder
I'm now looking to meet someone?" wrote Joe. Editor's note: His honey has a bunny.
On December 2, Joe sent an update. "Sue asked me if we could get together on Friday, instead of our usual Saturday. I asked why. She said she needed to get
a good night's sleep for her choir performance on Sunday afternoon." Joe told her he'd leave her place early Saturday night so she could get a good night's sleep, and asked if
they could get together both nights.
"She said no, because she had a man 'friend' of five years who is coming to her house to use her hot tub! (hello…what!! My brain screamed in my skull). Oh not
to be concerned…she doesn't want to risk 'losing' him as a friend," Joe wrote.
"I'm only one of many 'modules' that make up her life--a dance class, singing in a choir, bowling, movie with a girl friend, a hot tub night with 'Mr. Friend.' etc. I
have no more priority than any of the other 'modules,' perhaps less. If our relationship should end, she wants no disruption of the other 'modules.' Very practical I think."
Joe pondered the situation, and wrote: "I thought, why not be the sex-provider module? I won't think of myself as a priority, as in boyfriend, but as a guy she
has sex with on Tuesdays and Saturdays. The first time she plays games…I'm outa there."
Joe considered attending Sue's choir performance, but opted for his "tennis module" instead. "I told her, 'If we break up, I don't want to lose my tennis friends.'"
He wrote on December 5, "I expect to see Sue tomorrow as usual (if it's Tuesday, it's Sue). In my new modular role, I'm wondering what to plan. It's my job to
be creative."
Dating in Orange County isn't so strange after all-at least when compared with our friends in Los Angeles fifty miles north.
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